Liverpool Love Boat sets sail

Liverpool's Craig Bellamy has blown the gaff about his on-off relationship with Liverpool team-mate John Arne Riise.

"Yes it's true," confessed Bellamy, "I did lose control at the karaoke club last week and I did attack John, but not with a golf club. I did exactly what I've been doing in secret since the tail end of last season — I attacked him with love."

Rumours have been rife that Bellamy had made a proposal of marriage to Riise and that the ginger winger had accepted. As reported exclusively on this blog last week, even Barcelona's Ronaldinho was reduced to tears when informed of the development ahead of next week's Champions League clash between the sides at Anfield.

Referring to the karaoke incident for the first time, Bellamy said: "I sang only one song — 'Red, Red Wine' by UB40. That was because Jerzy Dudek was drinking it. That’s how silly it was. A lot of the other lads wanted to get John to get up there because he hadn’t turned up at the dinner. I told John he didn't have to bow down to peer pressure and that seemed to cheer him up a bit. But then I quickly changed my mind and started calling him a f****** aloof tosser and to just get up there and sing. He wasn’t too happy and let me know it. The situation calmed down but when I was walking back to the hotel I lost control for a few seconds. And that's when I decided to attack him with love. What happened after that is clearly no one's business. I mean, you know what the Norwegians are like."

isporty wants to know whether we're kicked the arse out of this one completely now or if you think there's still some mileage left in this story. And also, can Liverpoool hold on in next week's return leg. And what are the chances of Ronaldinho scoring and then doing a golf swing impression?

Scotland 'Prepared'

Dougie Brown says Scotland will not lay down to cricket powerhouses Australia and South Africa at next month's World Cup in the Caribbean.

"The Scotland team might not be well known to the world but we are no pushovers," said the 37 year old Warwickshire all-rounder.

"And anyway, one day a real rain will come and wash away every other cricket nation leaving just us, so we'll be the best team in the world. Mark my words, nothing's impossible in this game."

Scotland are also in the same group as Holland so that should be a real high quality game.

"We are about to embark on something which is very, very special," added Brown, referring to a day trip the team were due take to The Red Stripe beer factory.

"We've trained very hard for this and we're determined to make the most of it," he continued, still talking about the day trip to the Red Stripe factory.

isporty would like to know if you've ever been to a beer factory, or indeed any kind of factory whilst on a month-long bender masquerading as a sports tour.

Rhino (in) Charge!

Karl Harrison last night emerged as favourite to succeed Brian Noble as Great Britain coach. The Salford City Reds chief - nicknamed 'Rhino' - is believed to be top of a short-list drawn up by RL bosses.

RFL chief executive Richard Lewis insisted earlier this week that he's seeking a full-time successor to Noble. "To be fair, we could do with someone in charge," admitted Lewis, "and in all fairness ,that someone should be in place as-soon-as, all things being fair."

The Lions are due to play a mid season international against as yet unnamed opponents. "Whoever we play in that match, we'll have someone in charge," claimed Lewis. "If not, then the players will just sort of wander about aimlessly like big cows grazing in a meadow. I've seen it happen too many times before.

"Believe me, the players need direction and focus and if they don't get it then the cow grazing phase quickly gives way to more serious conditions such as oil painting and learning to play the violin. When they get to that stage, they're no use to anyone. Bearing in mind we've got a match at the end of the year against New Zealand, you can see the potential dilemma."

isporty would like to know if your local club side needs a new manager and if so, what's wrong with the bloke currently in charge? Is he on the sauce or something?

Oi, Blatter, No!

England's World Cup bid has been dealt a hammer blow by Sepp Blatter.

In a rare forray into the public domain, FIFA President Blatter laid into the English bid: "It is not definite the finals will come back to Europe in 2018, no matter what Bobby bloody Charlton keeps saying," stormed Blatter. "If I had my way we'd play the finals somewhere nice, like Barbados or something. "I can understand the eagerness of the English FA, supported by politicians, actors and pop stars to stage the finals. But there are other countries who are also keen to host the World Cup. Some of these countries have truly superb restuarants and architecture. I mean, have you ever been to Manchester I mean, ... Jeez."

isporty wants to know which towns or cities you think should get a custom made stadium built especially for the World Cup 2018 if and when we get it. What about the West Country? Massive un-tapped catchment area. Or Swindon? Or Telford?

Blair Witch Hunt Project

HE'S AT IT AGAIN!! Tony Blair has added his weight to West Ham fans' petition to scrap this year's Player Of The Year awards.

Following hot on the heels of yesterday's remarkable outburst at a working men's club in Sale — during which he drunkenly gave his support to The Sun's campaign to lower football ticket prices — Blair was at it again, trying to make himself popular by latching onto an issue that lots of people are talking about, and proving that he knows how to party with the working man. Speaking at a hastily convened supporters meeting in an East End pub, Blair wasted no time in making his feelings clear: "The Hammers are nine points adrift of safety with their place in the Premiership hanging by a thread," he said. "No wonder you're upset. I'm upset. We're all upset. But that doesn't mean we have to keep being upset." Blair, wearing an Aston Villa scarf by mistake and hoping nobody would notice, proceeded to lay into the West Ham squad, claiming that he'd just spoken to Julian Dicks about it. "I've had a word with Dicksy," said Blair, "and he's backing me up to the hilt. How can they be in the Cup Final one minute and a pile of shite the next? We've got to find out who the ring leader is. There can be no Player Of The Year Awards with this hanging over us." Things turned ugly when Jack Straw turned up and did his best to interrupt the PM's impassioned call to arms. A scuffle broke out — allegedly involving Mr Straw and one of the PM's aides. The Prime Minister was quickly ushered out through a back room, but assured bar staff he'd be back before closing time.

isporty would like to know if there's a popular issue Tony Blair won't give his backing to in order to cover his tracks and brush over the disasters of his last term of office. What do you think? And should West Ham really give the award to Dean Ashton due to the fact that he hasn't played as many games as the rest of them?

Chaos as PM joins 'Cash For Tickets' row

Prime Minister Tony Blair yesterday chose an unorthodox route to give his backing to The Sun campaign aimed at reducing ticket prices for football fans.

In an emotional and unscheduled address to the Working Men's Club in Sale, Blair shocked onlookers as he wept openly into his shandy and said loudly: "Leeds United added an extra 10,000 to their recent attendance versus QPR after Ken Bates finally realised that charging working class people £40 each to watch a bunch of over-paid muppets flounder around a football pitch, was not going to work." A visibly shaken Mr Blair had to be helped from the stage as he apeared to lose his footing getting down the steps. "I'm allright," he shouted but onlookers begged to differ. "He was pretty wasted," said a regular at the club. "He and a few of the other cabinet guys came in around 11.30 this morning after a foreign policy all nighter. You could tell they wanted to blow off some steam. A row broke out about football and Blair attempted to calm things down by jumping up on stage and waving a copy of The Sun at everyone." "What is it about bloody football?" he was later heard shouting as he queued for a cab. "It's madness when you think how bloody expensive it is. And clubs like Leeds are in serious danger of jettisonning a whole generation of would be fans whose parents can't afford the daft prices and who'll end up supporting the same old Premiership big guns as they can afford to watch them on TV. It's bloody sod's law, oi, I saw that cab first..."

isporty would like to know what you think of all this ticket pricing caper. Has the world gone mad? And if it has, what can be done about it? Come on, if it's good enough for the Prime Minister...

Liverpool v Barcelona Preview

You can get 500-1 that Craig Bellamy will French kiss John Arne Riise as he flies through the air to score a dramatic bicycle kick winner in front of the Kop End next week.

And you can get a further 1,000-1 that Riise will remove his Liverpool shirt at the end of the game to reveal an undershirt which says 'Valley Boys do it best'. After their heroics in the Nou Camp last week, few people are backing against the Reds completing a famous victory. Even Ronaldinho was moved by events. "It take a lot to make me cry," said the horse-faced wizard. "But when I heard that Bellamy had made a proposal of marriage to John Arne Riise, I had to be hosed down. You'd have to be a mug to back against them going all the way and getting a hat-trick each against us in Liverpool. We've got no chance and between you and I, this trip to Liverpool for me is more about my pilgrimage to the Beatles Museum which is wonderful at this time of year. Paul McCartney is definitely my favourite Beatle."

isporty would like to know what you think is going to happen at Anfield next week. Will Liverpool triumph or will Ronaldinho forget all about The Beatles and concentrate on the job in hand?

Dog Day Afternoon

Oscar De La Hoya has stunned future opponent Floyd Mayweather Jr after making a bizarre claim that Mayweather is, in actual fact, a small dog trapped in a large man's body.

As the run in to the world's richest ever bout, titled The World Awaits, began in earnest, De La Hoya wasted no time in admistering some serious freakdown to the proceedings: "I can tell when someone is nervous," said the self-styled Pretty Boy. "It's a bit like a Chihuahua looking for a loud discussion with an Alsatian, they don't really mean it. At the end of the day, Chihuahua's would rather settle down with a good book and have a smoke on their pipe. They might come over all 'Yeah? Yeah?,' but they really don't mean it." De La Hoya's comments were in response to Mayweather offering him a personal $3m bet as to the outcome. "I have yet to meet the Chihuahua who can get his hands on that kind of money quickly," said De La Hoya. "A St Bernard yes, a Labrador possibly but a Chihuahua? He's crazy." The World Awaits is being beamed live to 176 countries around the world and is expected to surpass pay-per-view records set by Lennox Lewis v Mike Tyson.

isporty would like to know which type of dog you think is most likely to be able to get his hands on $3m. Or, more reasonably, isporty would like to know who you think is going to win this mega fight. And what about Mayweather's estranged father, Floyd Mayweather Sr being De La Hoya's trainer?! You couldn't make it up. It's on HBO May 5th, don't miss it.