Just Like Watching Barnsley

I remember when the boys from Oakwell came up to the Premier League in the mid 90's and proclaimed watching their team play was like watching Brazil. Well Steve McClaren is losing the plot in charge of England, and he seems to be turning that phrase into one of reverse.

The tactics of England are in short, shocking.

Playing the ball long upfield to five-foot, seven-inch Andrew Johnson and his strike partner Wayne Rooney who surely can't be much closer to six foot himself, is ludicrous. It is an absolute crime to reduce the percentage of keeping the ball, by playing it in the air like that. Surely lumping passes like that is playing into the hands of a centre-back who should be comfortable dealing with that. That’s in their makeup, they must love it, attacking the ball and taking everything out. Why when you have possession, do you want to give it away? It’s against everything winning is about, if there is no killer pass on immediately, keep possession; it’s simple. How long have these guys been playing the game and been coached? What do they work on in training? Whatever it is, it evidently doesn’t work.

Everton fans will be familiar with the terrible service that Phil Neville mostly churns out, but Rio Ferdinand is no better from centre-half.

His total transfer fees come to just short of £50million, and to be quite honest, he isn't worth half of that amount, when playing in international football.

He may be okay within his limits and pretty strong in the air, and useful on the deck at the back for his club side, and I'm also sure that Sir Alex Ferguson would not listen to a word that I said against Ferdinand.

But the truth is that I believe he lacking the attitude required for his country, and not that he will lose a wink of sleep but I think Jonathan Woodgate would be a much better partner for John Terry in the heart of the defence.

Even if the Chelsea captain and Real Madrid player are both seen as 'stoppers', I think that the passing should be left to the midfield and full backs, and the centre-backs should just stick to dispossessing the opposition and give it simple.

Ferdinand is certainly no Bobby Moore or Franz Beckenbauer, he isn't even in the league of Tony Adams, (no disrespect Tone, I'm reading his book at the moment and what a great read it is!).

I think the Manchester United defender believes his own hype, and he may well pick up a Premiership winners medal come May, but his place in the national side should definitely be under threat.

Don't get me wrong, it isn't all his fault, and if I was looking for a scapegoat, there would many to point the finger at. But would you ever see Fabio Cannavaro or Alessandro Nesta pumping the ball long to Luca Toni, or Francesco Totti? And they are both pretty tall and broad, but they Italians, who everyone seems to forget are the current World Champions, have never been seen to play to that kind of advantage.

And that is why down the years, they have proved a lot more successful in competition than England. Their tactics are measured and calculated, and although people may call it boring football - especially in their home league - it has proved more fruitful tahn bravado and Three Lions spirit.

Yes, our football may have been exciting over the last few decades, but if you aren't winning anything and are disappointed with your results, then something must be wrong.

The amount of times I have heard people say, "We have the players, but they can't play together," that is rubbish. Any players can play together, but you have to position them correctly and make sure their roles, actions, and decision complement each other.

Having said that, I don't think it is wise playing Steven Gerrard and Frank Lampard as a midfield pairing in the national side and that is probably why Jose Mourinho has never totally followed up his approach for the Liverpool captain. I don't think Gerrard has played well for England since David Beckham's form deteriorated. Beckham was always looking to come inside for England, and the Liverpool midfielder liked being able to switch a little with the Madrid man. He hasn't had a crucial effect in an international match since the 5-1 demolition of Germany in 2001 - when things really looked bright. Hargreaves looks decent enough to continue in the holding role, which is all-important in modern football; the man who can stifle and irritate the opposition, also helping England get men marked, while the Munich player holds up the attack.

I also can't see why McClaren picks players to play out of position when he has the personnel to fit the criteria; Aaron Lennon playing on the left-hand side for his country and playing predominantly right-sided for Spurs, is a mystery.

England got away with that tactic in Tel Aviv on Saturday, as Jamie Carragher was playing left-back and he rarely gets forward too far and Lennon was not asked to support his colleague as often as the Israelis would have liked. Pace is a great attribute and one that you either have or you don't, and the Tottenham man has it in abundance, but that doesn't mean it will make him able to play out of position.

He did get into some interesting areas behind the defence, but when he got into crossing positions, he didn't provide the 'killer' pass and Rooney and Johnson were frustrated in the penalty area, making runs to no avail.

If Ashley Cole was available to play, Lennon would almost certainly have played on the right, and maybe Gerrard would have been asked to play in front of Cole, and again forced out of his natural position.

The man I would like to see played on the left is Aston Villa's Gareth Barry. He has nine goals to his name from that position this season and is comfortable playing at full-back, so when Cole decides to support the attack on the many occasions that he does, Barry can sit in and not look out of place.

Wayne Bridge is also another one whose name has been bandied about in recent times to combat, what people seem to think is a problem area for England, but it all depends how the role is played.

It is very difficult to play two wingers to good effect at international level, and as Lennon would be my choice to play at right midfield, then a good balance would be to have a player on the left, who is comfortable in defending when needed. Joe Cole is a no-no. He is too attack-minded, but not effective enough for me getting forward, I would definitely put Lennon in the side in any case, ahead of him. He is style over substance, like a lot in the world recently!

So with the left-hand sorted and the centre of defence corrected, where else can be tweaked?

Andrew Johnson is surely put in the side for his pace and finishing, but it was the wrong decision to play him from the start against Israel. The hosts were always going to defend deep, and at times it was unbelievable the amount of territorial possession had, but Johnson was asked to play on the shoulder of the last man, and with about five yards of clear space behind the home side’s backline to run into, it would have had to be an inch-perfect pass to play him in. He is best for Everton playing in the wide channels in the lead up to moves, dragging defenders wide and out of position for Cahill et al to capitalise on the empty space he leaves behind. That is where either Gerrard or Lampard thrive, on the second ball. The second ball is the most important in football and if you can master the art of anticipation, then you are one step ahead.

Most football is played on instinct, but a gameplan helps and also adapting during the game. Rooney can play that role in the space behind the striker(s), but he is the number one striker at the moment and it is difficult to see who can relieve his job at the moment. That isn’t to say Johnson isn’t good enough for England, but I don’t think he is the answer. A Teddy Sheringham-type player – someone who can link the play between midfield and attack - is the answer, but there just isn’t that type of player about at the moment. Peter Crouch isn’t it either; he struggles against the big names and looks out of place to me. Maybe if he was a few inches smaller, he would be more successful. It is too tempting to toss the ball up to him and expect him to win it every time.

The fans seem to want exciting, attacking football, but it doesn’t always work; look at Arsenal. Sometimes, you have to do the boring stuff in order to reap the rewards. Good teams can carry less skilful players, as long as they can mix it and nullify the opposition. This is my reason why, I would never have sold Kevin Kilbane at Everton. The fee was obviously too good to turn down, but at the moment the Blues could be closing out games better and easier. Balance is the key; you have to be able to do all the good and bad things to be successful. The best looking side will not always triumph, as Arsene Wenger.

So England have a problem up front as well. Rooney’s goal in the friendly draw against Holland in Amsterdam last November is the last time England registered a goal. One in the last five games and it’s only seven in seven, but five of them were in the win over Andorra – who they travel to face in Barcelona on Wednesday.

The top and bottom of it is, are the England coaching and playing staff too stubborn to change the way they play in order to succeed? Because is they don’t arrest this slump in form, there will be no need to worry about nail-biting penalty shoot-outs next summer; they won’t be involved.