Liverpool Love Boat sets sail

Liverpool's Craig Bellamy has blown the gaff about his on-off relationship with Liverpool team-mate John Arne Riise.

"Yes it's true," confessed Bellamy, "I did lose control at the karaoke club last week and I did attack John, but not with a golf club. I did exactly what I've been doing in secret since the tail end of last season — I attacked him with love."

Rumours have been rife that Bellamy had made a proposal of marriage to Riise and that the ginger winger had accepted. As reported exclusively on this blog last week, even Barcelona's Ronaldinho was reduced to tears when informed of the development ahead of next week's Champions League clash between the sides at Anfield.

Referring to the karaoke incident for the first time, Bellamy said: "I sang only one song — 'Red, Red Wine' by UB40. That was because Jerzy Dudek was drinking it. That’s how silly it was. A lot of the other lads wanted to get John to get up there because he hadn’t turned up at the dinner. I told John he didn't have to bow down to peer pressure and that seemed to cheer him up a bit. But then I quickly changed my mind and started calling him a f****** aloof tosser and to just get up there and sing. He wasn’t too happy and let me know it. The situation calmed down but when I was walking back to the hotel I lost control for a few seconds. And that's when I decided to attack him with love. What happened after that is clearly no one's business. I mean, you know what the Norwegians are like."

isporty wants to know whether we're kicked the arse out of this one completely now or if you think there's still some mileage left in this story. And also, can Liverpoool hold on in next week's return leg. And what are the chances of Ronaldinho scoring and then doing a golf swing impression?

Scotland 'Prepared'

Dougie Brown says Scotland will not lay down to cricket powerhouses Australia and South Africa at next month's World Cup in the Caribbean.

"The Scotland team might not be well known to the world but we are no pushovers," said the 37 year old Warwickshire all-rounder.

"And anyway, one day a real rain will come and wash away every other cricket nation leaving just us, so we'll be the best team in the world. Mark my words, nothing's impossible in this game."

Scotland are also in the same group as Holland so that should be a real high quality game.

"We are about to embark on something which is very, very special," added Brown, referring to a day trip the team were due take to The Red Stripe beer factory.

"We've trained very hard for this and we're determined to make the most of it," he continued, still talking about the day trip to the Red Stripe factory.

isporty would like to know if you've ever been to a beer factory, or indeed any kind of factory whilst on a month-long bender masquerading as a sports tour.

Rhino (in) Charge!

Karl Harrison last night emerged as favourite to succeed Brian Noble as Great Britain coach. The Salford City Reds chief - nicknamed 'Rhino' - is believed to be top of a short-list drawn up by RL bosses.

RFL chief executive Richard Lewis insisted earlier this week that he's seeking a full-time successor to Noble. "To be fair, we could do with someone in charge," admitted Lewis, "and in all fairness ,that someone should be in place as-soon-as, all things being fair."

The Lions are due to play a mid season international against as yet unnamed opponents. "Whoever we play in that match, we'll have someone in charge," claimed Lewis. "If not, then the players will just sort of wander about aimlessly like big cows grazing in a meadow. I've seen it happen too many times before.

"Believe me, the players need direction and focus and if they don't get it then the cow grazing phase quickly gives way to more serious conditions such as oil painting and learning to play the violin. When they get to that stage, they're no use to anyone. Bearing in mind we've got a match at the end of the year against New Zealand, you can see the potential dilemma."

isporty would like to know if your local club side needs a new manager and if so, what's wrong with the bloke currently in charge? Is he on the sauce or something?

Oi, Blatter, No!

England's World Cup bid has been dealt a hammer blow by Sepp Blatter.

In a rare forray into the public domain, FIFA President Blatter laid into the English bid: "It is not definite the finals will come back to Europe in 2018, no matter what Bobby bloody Charlton keeps saying," stormed Blatter. "If I had my way we'd play the finals somewhere nice, like Barbados or something. "I can understand the eagerness of the English FA, supported by politicians, actors and pop stars to stage the finals. But there are other countries who are also keen to host the World Cup. Some of these countries have truly superb restuarants and architecture. I mean, have you ever been to Manchester I mean, ... Jeez."

isporty wants to know which towns or cities you think should get a custom made stadium built especially for the World Cup 2018 if and when we get it. What about the West Country? Massive un-tapped catchment area. Or Swindon? Or Telford?

Blair Witch Hunt Project

HE'S AT IT AGAIN!! Tony Blair has added his weight to West Ham fans' petition to scrap this year's Player Of The Year awards.

Following hot on the heels of yesterday's remarkable outburst at a working men's club in Sale — during which he drunkenly gave his support to The Sun's campaign to lower football ticket prices — Blair was at it again, trying to make himself popular by latching onto an issue that lots of people are talking about, and proving that he knows how to party with the working man. Speaking at a hastily convened supporters meeting in an East End pub, Blair wasted no time in making his feelings clear: "The Hammers are nine points adrift of safety with their place in the Premiership hanging by a thread," he said. "No wonder you're upset. I'm upset. We're all upset. But that doesn't mean we have to keep being upset." Blair, wearing an Aston Villa scarf by mistake and hoping nobody would notice, proceeded to lay into the West Ham squad, claiming that he'd just spoken to Julian Dicks about it. "I've had a word with Dicksy," said Blair, "and he's backing me up to the hilt. How can they be in the Cup Final one minute and a pile of shite the next? We've got to find out who the ring leader is. There can be no Player Of The Year Awards with this hanging over us." Things turned ugly when Jack Straw turned up and did his best to interrupt the PM's impassioned call to arms. A scuffle broke out — allegedly involving Mr Straw and one of the PM's aides. The Prime Minister was quickly ushered out through a back room, but assured bar staff he'd be back before closing time.

isporty would like to know if there's a popular issue Tony Blair won't give his backing to in order to cover his tracks and brush over the disasters of his last term of office. What do you think? And should West Ham really give the award to Dean Ashton due to the fact that he hasn't played as many games as the rest of them?