David Heelies to be Banned?

The Sun today debates the merits of whether heelie trainers should be banned. You know when you've been 'Heelied' when a small individual races past you on what you suspect are roller skates except that when you look down to investigate the kid is wearing what appear to be perfectly normal shoes. 'That's clever' you think to yourself, I wonder how he perfected the art of weightlesness?' And then you realise you've just had your first encounter with Heelies, a shoe with a wheel on the heel.

Invented by Leeds United & Northern Ireland David Healy ('Healys' was already taken at the trademark & patents organisation), the Heelie has swept the nation in much the same way as Yo Yos, Hula Hoops and hooded jumpers. We bought some for our kids and whilst I'm concerned that the lads risk ankle or hamstring injury due to the pointy uppy nature of the things, they don't annoy me anywhere near as much as those bloody suitcases people have on wheels. You know the ones - you can see the person but you can't see the suitcase because it's trailing three feet behind him just begging you to step to the side of its owner, thus kopping the suitcase full in the ankle, tripping up theatrically and falling arse over trouser.

I hereby call for a stupid suitcase amnesty where, no questions asked, I get to throw the lot of them on a large heap of disused tyres and set light to them.