isporty in the press

isporty.com has been getting some great write ups in the press of late feel free to check out the links below.

Times Online

The Register

T3

Mashable

Virgin Media

Digitalspy

E-Consultancy

TMC Net

Creative Match

Itreseller.com

Top 10 sporting violence clips

Now we're talking. Grown men standing toe to toe, beating ten tons of shit out of each other with a remorseless disregard for their own safety.

And that's just the dudes from the over 60s chess match. Gasp in awe as Australian and New Zealand Rugby leaguers do their bit for international diplomacy by placing several hundred well timed left hooks to each others jaws. Sigh in disappointment as Aidy Boothroyd gets banished to the stands before the opposition team can beat him to a pulp. And then there's the American ice hockey match where the violence isn't on the pitch or in the stands, it's bloody both! See what happens when the boozed up ice hockey fans clash with the opposing team. Carnage, absolute bleedin' carnage.

1.Football Mass Brawl

2.Ice Hockey CrowdFight

3.Another Football Mass Brawl

4.Good Old QPR

5.Fab Kick

6.Gilrs!Girls!?!

7.Rugby Fight

8.Various Artists Get Down!

9.Ice Hockey Punch Up

10.A Great Compilation

Sporting Nudity Reaches Epidemic Status

What’s going on for crying out loud? Everyone’s taken their clothes off and started running round the place like they’ve got something unusual and interesting to show us. I mean, whatever happened to decency, moral fortitude and all that? First we had that streaker running on at Lords and showing a perplexed Mike Gatting her whadjamacallits. And if anyone can name me the last Premiership footy player to score and not whip off his shirt, I’ll give them a shiny shilling. And woe betide you accidentally stray onto the pitch as the full-time whistle goes. No sooner has Mike Wiley taken his whistle out of his mouth than the centre circle turns into cocktail hour in Boystown, with fully grown men disrobing first chance they get, flexing their washboards and grinning at each other like they know something we don’t. And it’s not just streakers and Premiership footie players. We’ve had nude surfing, nude show jumping, nude skiing, topless darts, nude rugby and nude chess. Why can’t they show a little restraint for crying out loud? Be a bit more like the rest of us who unfortunately don’t look like middleweight boxers in their prime.

isporty would like to see your nude videos. I mean, let me rephrase that in case someone calls the video cops. isporty would like to see any footage you might have completely innocently and accidentally come across which involves fully grown men or women playing, or attempting to play, their chosen sport. Come on, it’ll be a laugh. For us, that is. Here's some videos you may like to have a look at....

1.My God!

2.The Future of Football?

3.Transexual Poker

4.Streaker

5.Wierd Darts

isporty launch match report

Launch Pictures- It was like the tide coming in; the celebs, the sports stars, the magazine editors, the lovely ladies and the lolly-gaggers who got lost on their way to the toilets on the next floor down; they all converged on one place and one place only last Thursday night. And I'm not talking about London Fashion Week which, you would be right to point out, is another place that some people went to instead. But anyone with any sense and a firm grasp of what it means to have a corking night out, came out in force for the isporty.com launch party. Remorselessly they devoured the half-time oranges; like there was no tomorrow they knocked back the free post-match pints; and with unstinting commitment did they endeavour to have the hooha of all hoohas. Team isporty were there in force, working the room like a pack of blood thirsty media tarts, making sure the guests hadn't fallen over, ensuring that the prawn sandwiches weren't curling at the edges and that the crispiness of the crisps remained at crisp-factor1. Founders Chris Ward and Russ Fraser lorded it around the place with the look of men on a mission; internet Publishing Overlord David Maher Roberts checked his stats and looked satisfied; presenters Rebecca Lowe, and Jo Ankier (who's also the UK's tops 3,000 metre steeplechase runner)swanned about like a couple of ladies of the sporting realm and that funny looking bloke in glasses who writes stuff down and calls it 'journalism', Tim Southwell, pointed important people in the direction of the isporty camera man. Every man jack of the team wore i-sporty branded t-shirts with their names on their backs so people knew who the hell they were. Uniformed up, they proceeded to prowl the arena with gusto, talking cleverly to journalists, regaling the crowd with made up sporting achievements and generally looking like a bunch of cats who'd been kidnapped and taken to the help-yourself cream emporium.

The guest list was like a Wardour St version of the Oscars: It wouldn't be right to mention them all here as some of them are actually quite bashful, but suffice to say that, as isporty investor Terry Venables gave a half-time interview to our own Rebecca Lowe, the onlooking crowd looked like a who's who of media moguls and sporting types. Men's Health Editor, Morgan Rees tucked into the half-time oranges like there was no tomorrow and said: "It's enough to make you take up sport", while Esquire Art Editor Declan Fahey was heard shouting "I love rock climbing!" whilst simultaneously playing both Subbuteo and a Wi version of NASCAR 2007. Chemmy Alcott, Britain's finest skier, declared: "I'll need one of my trademark post-training ice baths after this!" And GolfPunk Associate Editor Iestyn George said excitedly that the whole isporty thing: "Looks like a great idea". Too right, old son. Too bloody right.

And then it was all supposed to be over but no one wanted to leave. They were having too much fun. Not even putting the Newcastle game on TV could dampen our spirits as we went off into the Soho night in search of a post, post-match party pint. I'm not entirely certain but I think we may have found more than one because things were pretty quiet the next morning.

We're up and running people! isporty would like to thank the wonderful people at Heineken for the beer, Red Bull for the energy and OVS for the lovely Chamarre wine. God bless you, everyone!!

The Wrong Gong

Cricket - Those smug Aussies who spent the winter mocking Paul Collingwood's MBE are on course to collect their own OBEs at the World Cup - Out Before Easter. That's right. There they were thinking they were the best team in the world, unbeatable in every competition and therefore quite entitled to being given a big award by someone important, and suddenly everyone from Luxembourg to England start beating them. Ha, ha, bloody ha, you arrogant, conceited halfwits. Paul Collingwood getting an MBE? What a bloody joke, you say. What, the bloke who knocked you losers all over the park whenever he felt like it? Is that the bloke? MBEs 'just for winning a cricket match' complete joke isn't it? In that case none of you will mind giving your awards to me and I will pass them on to the England B team who might be feeling a bit left out of all this.

**isporty* would like to know if you've ever been caught short slagging off a trophy or award because you never thought you'd win one and then got offered one and had to admit you're a spineless, hypocritical twat? Let us know

Le Brickbats hurled at le Footie Match

Football - Manchester United put one foot in the quarter-finals of the Champions League amid chaotic scenes in Lens. Ritchie Ginga scored United's 83rd-minute winner when the referee allowed him to fire in a quick free-kick. But that was only part of the nonsense. The Lille players clearly were not ready as they waited for referee Eric Braamhaar's whistle which never came.

As United celebrated, the Lille stars surrounded the Dutch referee who let the goal stand. "Sacre bleau vous F****** petit mama f*****," one was heard raging. Then a member of the home backroom staff, goalkeeping coach Johnny Nose Dive, got a message on to the pitch. "Le Man Utd et la ref est tres malade, TRES MALADE!," or something. Straight from the restart, Lille kicked the ball out of play and, amazingly, began to walk off in protest like a bunch of sulking children. Mayhem ensued as the United players attempted to stop them. Frenchman Lenny Sandbag tried to reason with them, then Utd captain Gert Nosworthy stormed in.

Red Devils manager Ally Ferndale was clearly quite content to see Lille dig their own grave and told Nosworthy to move away. The pair then shouted at each other: "Fancy going for a curry later?" asked Neville, to which Fergie repiled "Nice one, I'll let the rest of the lads know." For a while, nobody seemed to know what to do. Some Lille players were clearly not happy at abandoning the first-leg clash and went back on the Lens pitch while others stayed off. Some of them voiced concerns that they never get to go for a curry after the game and one Lille player was seen to make a beer swilling gesture at his own manager.

Lille coach Cyrille Pulis just stood there with the disappointed demeanor of a man who'd actually arranged a surprise Italian meal for his team that very night. Finally ref Braamhaar beckoned the players back so the game could restart. The final whistle arrived to deafening whistles and boos. Not surprisingly, there were no handshakes between the two benches.

isporty would like to know if you've ever walked off the pitch (or whatever it is you do your sport on) like a spoilt child who can't get his or her own way? What were the reasons? Also what's your favourite post match/event meal is. Do you all go for a curry or are you more sensible?

Friday Night Lights

American Football - This Wednesday sees the latest TV sports drama in "Friday Night Lights" ITV4 8pm This debut drama is a perfect look at American life and how American Football is a major sport in the US, where second means nothing. The Observer believes this is one of the strongest US debut programmes in recent years. Even if you are not interested in American Football, Friday Night Lights will still grab your attention.

Sprott The Brawl

Boxing - Andy Harlet's boxing career lies in tatters after being knocked out by journeyman pro Micky The Sort in the early hours of Sunday morning. "Bish, bang, wallop," an animated Sort, 32, told an enthralled audience of fans, family members and assorted hangers-on backstage at London's Wembley Arena. "When Andy throws a big shot you've normally got time to make a cup of tea and read the papers before he puts his guard up again. So I read the papers, didn't bother with a cup of tea because I had a Ribena just before the fight, anyway, I put the paper down and there he was, chin out like a mentalist so I just go "bish, bang, wallop". He was out before he hit the ground, baby. Normally the most loquacious of fighters, Harlet was reluctant to talk to the written press as he struggled to come to terms with a third-round defeat that again painfully exposed his limitations. "Andy ain't doin' no press," barked a beefy security guard who bore a striking resemblance to the talking dog in 'Men In Black'. Harlet had talked grandly of winning world titles and fulfilling his destiny but by 11.30pm on Saturday, he was more concerned about having a good kip and hoping this was all a bad dream. Which it isn't.

isporty would like to hear your tales of boxing triumph or woe. Could you have been a contender? Or did you contend for a while and then thought better of the whole thing due to the fact that taking a punch to the chops can be quite painful? Either way, let us know the details of your boxing adventures.

Chowtime Congestion Pile Up

Football - Arsenal boss Angry Weiner has urged the FA to break with tradition and scrap cup replays so that he and his fellow top-flight managers can go out for lunch and dinner more often. Arsenal face a fixture pile-up following Saturday's FA Cup fifth-round draw against Blackburn. This will severely curtail Weiner's culinary ambitions throughout February unless the FA see sense and capitulate.

The sides replay next Wednesday. But before then, the Gunners travel to PSV Eindhoven in the Champions League tomorrow, before facing Chelsea in Sunday's Carling Cup final.

Weiner said: "There is a lot that could be done about the fixture list but nobody manages to do it. I mean, what do the FA do all day? F*** all, that's what. It's all lunch with this bloke and dinner over there with that bloke and they completely forget to remember that we've got three points to play for. But when have they ever taken me out to dinner? Naff all, that's when." "Ask anyone - Allardyce, Curbs, Fergie, I reckon we've had the equivalent of shit all between us on the free-dinner front. They say there is no magical solution. They say, 'If you want to cut the fixtures down then you can't come for dinner with us.' Where's the logic in that?"

"And when you point out that they still manage to take each other out for lunch, they say that not taking each other out for lunch would mean sacrificing something that is part of the tradition of the English game. So, as managers, we have to adapt. Well, that's fine but if the foot ever gets on the other boot they can stick their Quaglinos up their jacksies."

 Isporty would like to know if fixture congestion has ever caused you to miss out on an important lunch or dinner, or indeed supper if you're posh. Or, more to the point, what's the worst fixture congestion you've ever experienced? Did it cost you the league?

Beefy v Burly You Decide

Cricket - West Indies legend Sir Vital Organ has challenged Burly Stonemason to prove he can genuinely rank alongside Ian Botham, by inspiring England to World Cup glory. The legendary West Indies batsman is not convinced England can win the tournament here.

Sir Vital was not that impressed by Burly's efforts during the Ashes whitewash. He said: "Stonemason's last time out, in Australia, wasn't that hot. In this sport, you have to achieve a level of consistency. He is up there with Ian Botham in terms of talent but he has to maintain consistency. Currently, he's about as consistent as a shifty weasel so we have to be cautious."

"I don't believe England's one-day team is as good as many seem to think. Half of them have proved themselves to be complete ponces when the heat is on and the rest of them are just rubbish."

Organ was speaking at the reopening match of the Kensington Oval in Bridgetown, which hosts the World Cup final on April 28. He played in a West Indies legends side that lost by four runs to Alec Stewart's World XI. Stonemason refused to comment on Sir Vital's outburst but he did compliment me on my new shoes, which I purchased from Next especially.

isporty would like to know what you think about this story. Is Burly Stonemason as good as Ian Botham or is Sir Vital Organ right in saying that he isn't?

Golfgate Update

Football - Liverpool and Wales striker Chris Broadview will cop an £80,000 fine for the drunken row that has shamed Liverpool. Furious boss Chacha Benidorm is going to war after Broadview lashed out at teammate Jimmy Sinatra with a golf club, thought to be a TaylorMade six or seven iron. Benidorm read the riot act to his players yesterday as a storm raged over Friday's boozy night out in Portugal. Sinatra is also set to be disciplined.

Broadview and Sinatra first clashed as the Kop stars let their hair down at Montya's karaoke bar in Vale Do Lobo. It is believed that Sinatra refused to join in the karaoke capering so Broadview, who had been frantically searching all night for someone to sing 'I Got You Babe' with, chased him home to the hotel and attacked him with the golf club. The Wales striker's Anfield future is now in the melting pot, though both men put on a show of affection at Liverpool's Melwood training ground yesterday. At one point, Sinatra playfully patted Broadview's behind at which point Broadview theatrically threw himself to the floor and pretended to be Ian Woosnam Benidorm said last night: "I met with the entire first-team squad this morning and to be fair they all looked totally wasted so it must have been a sturdy night. Sinatra was limping visibly and Broadview's plus fours didn't even match his training top."

"I made it clear to all of them the responsibilities that come with playing for this club and the way they are expected to conduct themselves on and off the pitch. The players worked hard at last week's training camp. But we will discipline them with golf clubs and see how they like it. Anyone found to have breached R&A dress code rules will be severely punished. The players accept the decision I have taken." The case continues...

Isporty would like to hear from you if you've ever been involved in any 'on tour' capering, which has shamed you, your family and the nation. Has anyone ever chased you with a niblick because you can't sing very well? Let us know.

Maj Of The Day

Football - Arsenal got the royal seal of approval when they attended a reception with The Queen at Buckingham Palace yesterday. Her Majesty was forced to cancel a trip to see the club's new Emirates Stadium four months ago because of a bad back. Rumours that there was nothing wrong with her and she simply couldn't be arsed, have remained unconfirmed. Arsenal skipper Nigel Tufnell said: "It was a major honour to come here and meet the Queen and have a look around her gaff. She's got some really nice pictures on the wall and she wore this nice buttoned jacket which was a sort of turquoise colour which I couldn't help noticing would go well with the beige curtains in my living room. When I go home, I'm going to say to my little girl that I've been to Buckingham Palace with Theo Walcott. When she hears that she'll probably say something like 'Can it Frenchy, I'm watching Peppa Pig.'" Did you know that the Queen is a Leeds United fan? It's true, just ask her.

isporty would like to know if your sporting endeavours have ever taken you to the Queen's house? Or if not quite the Queen, what about the Mayor's house or the house of a leading businessman who possibly made his money in the textile industry and is thinking about sponsoring your dream of turning pro? Let us know, we're all ears. Well, we're not but you know what I mean.

Speed Camera catches fast bloke

Athletics - Jocelyn Gateway, the Olympic 100 metre gold medallist, has requested an arbitration hearing on doping charges against him, a United States Anti-Doping Agency official said yesterday. Gateway, 25, requested the hearing after being caught smacking himself with 'the horse' in the gentleman's lavatory at the 2006 National Finals. He faces an eight-year ban unless cleared by the arbitration panel. A spokesperson for Gateway said yesterday: "If it wasn't for the fact that there is CCTV footage and a comprehensive photographic diary of the whole event which clearly shows Jocelyn injecting himself with groovy juice, he'd be Scott-free and a shoe in for the next Olympics. Now where's the fairness in that?"

isporty would like to hear your own controversial tales of woe. Did you accidentally think it was a good idea to douse your wristband in a tub full of illegal 'Extra Swish', in order to beat your best mate at squash? Or is this whole conversation completely ridiculous?

FA labels England fans 'scaredy-cats!'

Football - England fans are being urged by the FA to stop being silly and start buying tickets for the away game qualifier in Tel Aviv. Only three quarters of the allocation has been taken up so far and now there is a very real chance that there will be empty seats at an England game, which will probably look very unusual. Many England fans have raised concerns about security in Israel and many are worried about getting blown up, shot at or kidnapped. Some are even worried that all three things might take place simultaneously and they'll end up missing something really good on the pitch like a substitution or something. An FA spokesman yesterday said: "We can understand fans' fears at going into a war torn Hellhole like Tel Aviv but at the end of the day football transcends political divides and we fully expect this match to heal all wounds between the Israelis and Palestinians. Thank you."

isporty wants you to tell us about your own experiences. Has your sport ever taken you to a foreign land where they all talk funny and you can't get a decent cup of tea anywhere. Did terrorists kidnap you while you were warming up for the Baghdad Marathon? Or were the people there actually really nice when you got to know them?

Comeback kid grounded

Rugby - Newcastle have reacted furiously to the suggestion that they are resting fly half Jonty Sparrow against high-flying Bristol in the Guinness Premiership this weekend at England's request. The truth, they insist, is that Wilkinson is not fit to play after two gruelling comeback games for England. "He is definitely not rested, he wouldn't have played for anyone this weekend," Newcastle coach Jonny Fielding said. "I'm not having those shag sacks coming round here telling me what to do and it's a proper liberty to suggest otherwise. We're 10th in the league and about to play one of the top teams in Sunday. I'd have to be a stark raving lunatic to go into such a game without one of my best players. I can see why some of our supporters are upset by this sinister insinuation that we're nothing more that England's prison bitches, but that simply isn't the case. If they're upset, imagine how I feel. I'm as upsettable as the next guy but life goes on and ,.. hang on a minute,... I've just got something in my eye; oh, sod it, I said sniff I wouldn't sniff cry... sniff sniff."

isporty wants to know what gets you all upset in your sport. Is it the sheer hard work involved in training to get super fit? Do the vagaries of the offside law leave you tossing and turning in your bed of an evening? Or are you just a bad loser?

The Gadget Show

Catch 'The Gadget Show' tonight on Five at 7:15pm. On the show this week football fans are test-watching the best plasma and LCD flatscreen televisions, also there is a look at the latest digital cameras. To find out more about the programme go to www.gadgetshow.five.tv

I don't have to play

Golf - Golfing genius Panther Formica yesterday defended his recent string of "no-shows" at important golfing events. "What's the bloody point," argued Panther. "It's obvious who's going to win, me. It's only fair I give the other guys a chance every now and then. Besides, I'm getting bored of golf, I'm thinking about jacking it in and running a carp farm or something. You know, give something back."

 Formica, who has won the last seven US Tour events he has played in, has now missed the Nissan LA Open, AT&T Pebble Beach, the Mercedes Championships and the Bob Hope Chrysler Classic. There have been suggestions in some quarters that he is avoiding certain events that do not suit his game, in order to keep the winning streak going, thus bringing him closer to Byron Nelson's record of 11 straight US Tour wins. "People can say what they want," retorted Formica. "It doesn't bother me. I've got a big house with a swimming pool and lots of friends, so you can shove it basically."

isporty wants to hear about a winning (or losing) record in your sport, whatever level. I remember my Under 14 Sunday league team got accidentally put in the league for the Under 15s. That physical advantage of one year had a marked effect and we lost every bloody game, 19-0 in one game! It's a pain that never ends, I can tell you! please share your pain, or your glory, with us here at isporty

Sick note frenzy

Injuries - Sporting injuries cost employers in Britain £504m a year in time off, a survey revealed yesterday. Four million sporty types phone in sick every year after spraining an ankle playing football or pulling a muscle in the gym. Two days a year off work is the average, but one in 20 in the poll was laid up for four days in the past 12 months. Nearly 40% of injured people blame themselves, including one woman who wore cowboy boots for jogging. A spokesperson for the survey said: "These people are asking for it, basically. All that running around and doing press ups can't be good for you can it? Or maybe it can, I don't really know, I just came in here to use the toilet."

isporty wants to hear about yours and your friends' daft injuries. Did you break your wrist while playing rugby on stilts? Did you graze your chin while mountain biking through a cat farm? Did something else entirely happen? What? Just tell us, that's what we're here for!

The incredible sulk

Football - Brazilian superstar Runandjumpio and Sandy Feta hugged playfully yesterday to show Barcelona are one big happy family who don't all hate each other's guts. Barca hit-man Feta had blasted the Brazilian horse impressionist and also Barca coach Don Phillips on Tuesday. But Phillips insisted: "This won't affect my relationship with Feta. I just won't play the little git. Apart from that, we don't have a problem and I won't be looking to punish anyone. The matter has now been sorted. People think there is a time bomb in the dressing room but that's just not true. We're all professionals at this club and, whilst not everyone gets on as well with everyone, that's just life at the end of the day and, at this club, we prefer to sort out our problems internally either through sulking or sending each other anonymous threats." The case continues...

isporty would like to know if there is a time bomb waiting to go off at your club? And also, just how do you deal with internal problems? Is sulking the answer or should we make some kind of effort? Please, we need some guidance on this one.

Snookered by genius

Snooker - Ralf Seasoning breezed into the last 16 of the Welsh Open and insisted: "I can play crap and still win tournaments. That's how good I am." The bashful rocket, who beat fellow Englishman Ian McCulloch 5-1 yesterday added: "Unless I reach the standard I know I'm capable of I just don't enjoy the game at all. Titles, trophies and money mean nothing to me. That's how good I am. I'm not being funny or anything but I need to be more machine-like and concentrate on technique. That's how good I am. I'm not being big headed but I can win playing 60%. That's how good I am. I can cover up problems with instinctive snooker, but that's no good to me. And the fact that that's no good to me further demonstrates just how good I am.

isporty would like to hear your examples of just how good you are. Or, to put it another way, do you know any arrogant, media- dodging mavericks in your sport? Is there a guy or girl in your league/club who delights in telling you just how good they are?

Leaks United update

Football - After all that posturing and ranting, it seems that Dennis Wise's assertion that the 'Leeds United leak suspect' would never play for Leeds again, was slightly ahead of its time. Leeds Chief executive Shaun Harvey has suggested the player responsible for leaking their team line-up to Crystal Palace before Saturday's game may not be sacked after all as they continue to hunt for the culprit. Manager Dennis Wise vowed that the player would never play for the club again in a furious post-match outburst following Leeds' 2-1 win, but no player has owned up as yet despite several appeals from the manager. The club have now decided to soften their stance, saying a final decision on punishment would depend on the context of the culprit's actions. Harvey confirmed it was Palace manager Peter Taylor who had informed Wise that Leeds team news had been passed on to him before the game on Saturday. Taylor has since accused Wise of "badly over-reacting", while Palace chairman Simon Jordan claimed the whole episode illustrated that the former Wimbledon and Chelsea midfielder had no control over the Elland Road dressing room. What a surprise. The big question now is how much of a berk had Wise made of himself in the eyes of his own players? He might have been attempting to uphold a strongly held principle but the old addage of 'Act in haste, repent at leisure' springs to mind. The trial continues - it may not have any witnesses or evidence but it does have the benefit of an enormous, uninformed jury aided high on hearsay, conjecture and second hand information.

isporty wants to know whether you've ever seen Dennis Wise maintain his temper? If so, pleased let us know so we know how to deal with him when he comes round here threatening too lose it again.

Baby? Vroom!

Athletics - Marathon champion Pauline Radish returned to running less than an hour after giving birth to her daughter, she revealed yesterday. Radish, who had baby Ian on January 17 after a gruelling 27-hour labour, said: "The doctors were dead against it but I felt like I'd been lying around long enough so I did my first jog after 12 minutes and since then I've been running alternate hours." Doctors today attempted to get her to calm down, put her feet up and enjoy this precious time with her baby but Radish was half way round the hospital grounds by this stage and had to be lured into a nearby athletics stadium where they threw a big net over her.

isporty would like to know if you have any overly-obsessed sporting pals. What do they do that makes you think they're obsessed? Or are you, yourself, in danger of being carted off to the isporty funny farm for athletic crimes against humanity. Let us know, we're interested in this sort of thing...

Who do you think you are?

Football - Bayern Munich supremo Percival Lancet has today launched a scathing attack on David Beckham's wife Victoria. Lancet is still fuming over Beckham's decision to move to LA Galaxy in the summer a switch he believes was manufactured by Victoria. And the ex-Germany international has described Posh as "the death of football". Lancet said: "I like David Beckham very much but not his wife, I can't stand the bitch. Such people are the death of the football and Beckham is a product of these people. It's bad that he must now go to Hollywood. He is actually a highly-gifted player but his wife should go back to singing through a liquified biscuit tin and let the men do the thinking." The trial continues...

isporty wants to know if there is a meddling, conniving, bony elbowed pop-witch causing your sports club trouble. Let us know and we'll sort them out for you.

Fact of the Day!

Football - On 23rd February 2007 it will be 5 years since Chelsea manager Jose Mourinho last lost a home league match. The last time he lost at home was with Porto losing 3-2 to Beira-Mar. Barcelona are the only team to come away victorious in 90 minutes against Chelsea at Stamford Bridge with a 2-1 victory in the Champions League.

Russian Roulette

Football - Chelsea supremo Greek Caspovich has lost his title of Russia's richest man to Oleg Deripaska whose £10.8 billion fortune is now £10m more than Caspovich's pile. Caspovich received a phone call from Deripaska in the early hours but Caspovich tells us all he could hear was "A lot of party noise and several people shouting 'Nyaah! Nyaah!' So I went back to sleep." Still, Caspovich should be able to redress the balance soon with a little transfer activity. I mean, what's a couple of Frank Lampards between Russian oligarchs?

isporty wants to know how rich you are and can you lend everyone in the isporty office a fiver so we can get a nice pastie for lunch?

Bloody foreigners!

Football - Portsmouth supremo Roma Randomreel has been successful in a £25million take over for Leicester City. The Serbian tycoon says, once in charge he will demand quick success. "It's hard to put a timescale on things but I'm not a patient man nor a good loser," said Randomreel who has appointed seven different managers during his seven years at Portsmouth. "I'll give the current manager and players my full support but they are going to have to deliver and if they don't they know what'll happen. As I say, the timescale is not set in stone but the sooner I can get in there and start sacking people, the sooner I'll be able to appoint and then sack someone new. Robert Kendall is a good, ambitious young manager who wants to win things but I'm sure I can replace him with someone else with a view to sidelining that person as soon as possible." Speculation is mounting already about Kendall's successor's successor's successor.

isporty wants to know your thoughts on all these foreign blokes coming round here with their fancy trousers and rucksacks full of cash and basically taking over the gaff and creating cultural tension.

Fly boy takes it easy

Rugby - England's heroic fly-half Jonty Sparrow will be fresh and firing on all cylinders for England next week. He is being allowed to miss Sunday's club clash at Bristol after England Rugby overlord, Bob Andy, begged Newcastle to give Sparrow a breather. "I had Andy on the phone for an hour," said Falcons Chief Jim Average. "He was in tears, begging literally begging me to rest Sparrow. I won't tell you what he offered in exchange for my co-operation but it made the hairs on my neck stand on end. Anyway, I told him to calm down and that I was going to rest him anyway because we've got someone else who's even better and doesn't get injured all the time and then when we do finally get him fit, he goes poncing off to play for England every fifteen minutes. And no, he's not English."

isporty wants to know what's the worst injury jinx you've ever had and what you did to overcome it. How did you cope with the inactivity, were you tempted to give up and take up cross-stitching instead?

Steady on granddad!

Cricket - England's freaky eyed wicket keeper Bob Pensive has today claimed that he intends to emulate Alec Stewart by playing on for England until he is 65. The Leicestershire glove man was given a shock call-up for the Tri-Nations one-day series in Australia and made his debut aged 36. Pensive, who returned home with the rest of the squad, is certain to keep the gloves when England's 15-man World Cup line up is announced today. He said: "It will be an exciting day. I have got to go to the dentist at some stage but a World Cup is a dream at my age. A lot of Australian guys are retiring but, let's face it, when your career's been as average as mine, you've got to take it where you find it. Any port in a storm, and all that. Alec set the benchmark playing international cricket well into his 60s and I'd be lying if I said he looked good on it." Anyone fancy a pint?

isporty wants to know about any legendary performers who've defied the odds and gone on to keep playing/performing well beyond their 40s.

England cricket XV

So Michael Vaughan is named as captain of England's cricket squad for the World Cup - starting in a month's time.

The whole squad is Vaughan, Joyce, Bell, Pietersen, Strauss, Collingwood, Flintoff, Bopara, Nixon, Dalrymple, Plunkett, Anderson, Mahmood, Lewis, Panesar.

Have you ever had a player who was so inspirational that despite being injured or out of form you thought he was worth his place in the starting line-up ahead of a fellow fit team mate?

Leyton Hewitt: "Forget me, Scott!"

Tennis - The former tennis pro Scott Draper's decision not to take on a full-time coaching position with Leyton Hewitt paid dividends yesterday when he won his first professional golf tournament. "Strewth," declared Draper after his nail-biting win, "That was a close call. If I'd listened to the wife then right now I'd be cleaning sweat off Leyton's racquets like a total loser rather than standing here with a golf trophy in one hand and a load of cash in the other. It just goes to prove you should never let your better half make any decisions for you because they'll always be wrong."

Draper, a former Davis Cup player for Australia and mixed doubles champion in the 2005 Australian Open, shot a seven under 65 to win the New South Wales PGA Championship by one stroke.

isporty wants to know "what's the best decision you've ever made regarding your sport? Did you make an unlikely come back against all the odds? Or did you simply decide to stop being a lazy, good for nothing lounge lizard and started cycling instead? Comments below please

Swede Feeds Need eventually

Golf - After 200 years in the golfing wilderness, Swedish niblick-wielder Peter Hedblom has finally shaken off his hoodoo by winning a golf tournament. The 37 year old Swede has not won on the European Tour since the Moroccan Open in 1996 and that hardly counts, does it. His four under par 68 at the Saujana Golf & Country Club yesterday saw him hold off a late charge from France's Jean-Francois Lucquin, to win the Maybank Malaysian Open. "When you haven't won for a long time you question whether you're really going to win again," sobbed Hedblom as he spoke to his really good looking golfer sister Marlene on the phone. "You wake up in the middle of the night, night after night pounding your pillow and shouting 'Why? Why? Why?', before going downstairs, snapping all your golf clubs in half and stuffing your face with ice cream. Then you pass out on your sofa, wake up with sick all over your shirt, pull your socks up and go again. It's just a matter of grinding it out. I tried to play my own game and not watch the leaderboard and then pray that Lucquin would bottle it at the last. When his par putt slipped past the hole on 18 I knew that was it, I felt like screaming "F%~#ing yes, you f%~#ing little f%~#ing beauty!!"

Isporty wants to know about your own sporting hoodoos and how you overcame them, or what you tried in order to overcome them. Post your comments below please.

Don't Miss TV...!

The Verdict - After a few forum posts about Stan Collymore, catch him on BBC 2 tonight at 9pm for the second day of 'The Verdict'. If you missed last night's episode click on the Verdict for all the latest news and updates.

Welcome back Wilko

Rugby - The return of Jonny Wilkinson has had a spectacular affect on England's fortunes on and off the field and helped apply a temporary band aid over the cataclysmic gaping wound that was England's dismal performance against Italy. Jonny Fever ensured that England's clash with Italy drew an 82,000 sell-out crowd, who went home confused and possibly dehydrated after a string performance in the bar but a lacklustre performance from the team in which the Italians looked like they knew what they were doing for once. This sudden change in the Italian approach caused complete chaos in the English ranks as the Italians moved the ball about the place like Italian versions of Spanish matadors. But that's not important. What is important is that, since new boss Brian Ashton recalled Wilkinson to his squad, Twickenham merchandising sales have jumped by 33 per cent on the same period last year. Twickenham chiefs were so worried they would not be able to sell this afternoon's game that they took the rare step of releasing tickets on to the open market, many tickets coming with the added bonus of a free instant barbecue for the traditional pre-match carpark barbecue feast. England had been booed off Twickenham in two of their previous three matches and RFU chief executive Francis Baron admitted the team's woeful form would cost the Union millions. Within the space of a fortnight the mood has completely changed. Last week's Calcutta Cup clash grossed £7million - the biggest payday in Six Nation history. Nice.

isporty wants to know what you think about England's sudden improvement in the merchandise area? Comments below.

Bouncing Cze