The weird and wonderful on the web

The Guardian has compiled some of the weirdest and most entertaining sporting moments on the web. Believe me these will definitely keep you entertained! Why not have a look at these one's:

When Carl Lewis Attacks

Arias at the Arsenal

Poetry in motion

Muddy hell

Wayne's world of pain

Officially camp

Maj Of The Day

Football - Arsenal got the royal seal of approval when they attended a reception with The Queen at Buckingham Palace yesterday. Her Majesty was forced to cancel a trip to see the club's new Emirates Stadium four months ago because of a bad back. Rumours that there was nothing wrong with her and she simply couldn't be arsed, have remained unconfirmed. Arsenal skipper Nigel Tufnell said: "It was a major honour to come here and meet the Queen and have a look around her gaff. She's got some really nice pictures on the wall and she wore this nice buttoned jacket which was a sort of turquoise colour which I couldn't help noticing would go well with the beige curtains in my living room. When I go home, I'm going to say to my little girl that I've been to Buckingham Palace with Theo Walcott. When she hears that she'll probably say something like 'Can it Frenchy, I'm watching Peppa Pig.'" Did you know that the Queen is a Leeds United fan? It's true, just ask her.

isporty would like to know if your sporting endeavours have ever taken you to the Queen's house? Or if not quite the Queen, what about the Mayor's house or the house of a leading businessman who possibly made his money in the textile industry and is thinking about sponsoring your dream of turning pro? Let us know, we're all ears. Well, we're not but you know what I mean.

Speed Camera catches fast bloke

Athletics - Jocelyn Gateway, the Olympic 100 metre gold medallist, has requested an arbitration hearing on doping charges against him, a United States Anti-Doping Agency official said yesterday. Gateway, 25, requested the hearing after being caught smacking himself with 'the horse' in the gentleman's lavatory at the 2006 National Finals. He faces an eight-year ban unless cleared by the arbitration panel. A spokesperson for Gateway said yesterday: "If it wasn't for the fact that there is CCTV footage and a comprehensive photographic diary of the whole event which clearly shows Jocelyn injecting himself with groovy juice, he'd be Scott-free and a shoe in for the next Olympics. Now where's the fairness in that?"

isporty would like to hear your own controversial tales of woe. Did you accidentally think it was a good idea to douse your wristband in a tub full of illegal 'Extra Swish', in order to beat your best mate at squash? Or is this whole conversation completely ridiculous?

FA labels England fans 'scaredy-cats!'

Football - England fans are being urged by the FA to stop being silly and start buying tickets for the away game qualifier in Tel Aviv. Only three quarters of the allocation has been taken up so far and now there is a very real chance that there will be empty seats at an England game, which will probably look very unusual. Many England fans have raised concerns about security in Israel and many are worried about getting blown up, shot at or kidnapped. Some are even worried that all three things might take place simultaneously and they'll end up missing something really good on the pitch like a substitution or something. An FA spokesman yesterday said: "We can understand fans' fears at going into a war torn Hellhole like Tel Aviv but at the end of the day football transcends political divides and we fully expect this match to heal all wounds between the Israelis and Palestinians. Thank you."

isporty wants you to tell us about your own experiences. Has your sport ever taken you to a foreign land where they all talk funny and you can't get a decent cup of tea anywhere. Did terrorists kidnap you while you were warming up for the Baghdad Marathon? Or were the people there actually really nice when you got to know them?

Comeback kid grounded

Rugby - Newcastle have reacted furiously to the suggestion that they are resting fly half Jonty Sparrow against high-flying Bristol in the Guinness Premiership this weekend at England's request. The truth, they insist, is that Wilkinson is not fit to play after two gruelling comeback games for England. "He is definitely not rested, he wouldn't have played for anyone this weekend," Newcastle coach Jonny Fielding said. "I'm not having those shag sacks coming round here telling me what to do and it's a proper liberty to suggest otherwise. We're 10th in the league and about to play one of the top teams in Sunday. I'd have to be a stark raving lunatic to go into such a game without one of my best players. I can see why some of our supporters are upset by this sinister insinuation that we're nothing more that England's prison bitches, but that simply isn't the case. If they're upset, imagine how I feel. I'm as upsettable as the next guy but life goes on and ,.. hang on a minute,... I've just got something in my eye; oh, sod it, I said sniff I wouldn't sniff cry... sniff sniff."

isporty wants to know what gets you all upset in your sport. Is it the sheer hard work involved in training to get super fit? Do the vagaries of the offside law leave you tossing and turning in your bed of an evening? Or are you just a bad loser?

The Gadget Show

Catch 'The Gadget Show' tonight on Five at 7:15pm. On the show this week football fans are test-watching the best plasma and LCD flatscreen televisions, also there is a look at the latest digital cameras. To find out more about the programme go to www.gadgetshow.five.tv

Make Football Fitter!

Nuts magazine - Are you fed up with football mascots such as 'Fred the Red' and 'Harry the Hornet?'Wouldn't you prefer American football style cheerleaders? Of course you would! And so do Nuts. Join their 'Make Football Fitter Campaign!' Go to Nuts to find out how you can bring these wonderful cheerleaders into our beautiful game!

Blades of Glory

Nuts Magazine have compiled a list of "The must see movies of 2007." A favourite one for all you sport fans will definitely be "Blades of Glory" released on the 27th April. It stars two great comedy actors in Will Ferrell(also starred in Talladega Nights) and Jon Heder(the star of Napoleon Dynamite) who play two rival figure stakers in this very funny ice-skating comedy. For more info on the film go to www.themovieinsider.com

Zappit!

Get the new virtual ping pong game "Zappit" now! It works by player one "serving" by pressing the green button, upon which a red light starts across the game. Player two "returns"it by hitting the button at the exact time the light reaches the other end. The first to 5 is the winner. The gadget is small and light enough to fit in your pocket, this little piece of technology promises hours of ping pong fun! Go to The Gadget Shop now on sale for £9.95

Football's Fittest Fan

Nuts Magazine - are bringing together the greatest game with the hottest women! This week's hottest fans include some absolute beauties!! Our favourite is Holly, 20 from Liverpool. The only down side is her favourite player is James Beattie! Suppose you can't have it all!

Nuts Lip Reader

Nuts Magazine - This week the Nuts Lip Reader has come up with a "f**k special!" Stars caught in the act include Jens Lehmann, Nigel Reo- Coker and of course Mr Rooney!!

World's funniest football awards!

Nuts magazine and WKD have teamed up to present this season's football awards. During the next 16 weeks there will be nominations for loads of different categories including "Who's got the dodgiest barnet?" Has to be David James! And "Who's the hero of the season?" So start voting from next week at www.nuts.co.uk/wkdnutsawards and you could also win some great prizes!