I don't have to play

Golf - Golfing genius Panther Formica yesterday defended his recent string of "no-shows" at important golfing events. "What's the bloody point," argued Panther. "It's obvious who's going to win, me. It's only fair I give the other guys a chance every now and then. Besides, I'm getting bored of golf, I'm thinking about jacking it in and running a carp farm or something. You know, give something back."

 Formica, who has won the last seven US Tour events he has played in, has now missed the Nissan LA Open, AT&T Pebble Beach, the Mercedes Championships and the Bob Hope Chrysler Classic. There have been suggestions in some quarters that he is avoiding certain events that do not suit his game, in order to keep the winning streak going, thus bringing him closer to Byron Nelson's record of 11 straight US Tour wins. "People can say what they want," retorted Formica. "It doesn't bother me. I've got a big house with a swimming pool and lots of friends, so you can shove it basically."

isporty wants to hear about a winning (or losing) record in your sport, whatever level. I remember my Under 14 Sunday league team got accidentally put in the league for the Under 15s. That physical advantage of one year had a marked effect and we lost every bloody game, 19-0 in one game! It's a pain that never ends, I can tell you! please share your pain, or your glory, with us here at isporty

Sick note frenzy

Injuries - Sporting injuries cost employers in Britain £504m a year in time off, a survey revealed yesterday. Four million sporty types phone in sick every year after spraining an ankle playing football or pulling a muscle in the gym. Two days a year off work is the average, but one in 20 in the poll was laid up for four days in the past 12 months. Nearly 40% of injured people blame themselves, including one woman who wore cowboy boots for jogging. A spokesperson for the survey said: "These people are asking for it, basically. All that running around and doing press ups can't be good for you can it? Or maybe it can, I don't really know, I just came in here to use the toilet."

isporty wants to hear about yours and your friends' daft injuries. Did you break your wrist while playing rugby on stilts? Did you graze your chin while mountain biking through a cat farm? Did something else entirely happen? What? Just tell us, that's what we're here for!

The incredible sulk

Football - Brazilian superstar Runandjumpio and Sandy Feta hugged playfully yesterday to show Barcelona are one big happy family who don't all hate each other's guts. Barca hit-man Feta had blasted the Brazilian horse impressionist and also Barca coach Don Phillips on Tuesday. But Phillips insisted: "This won't affect my relationship with Feta. I just won't play the little git. Apart from that, we don't have a problem and I won't be looking to punish anyone. The matter has now been sorted. People think there is a time bomb in the dressing room but that's just not true. We're all professionals at this club and, whilst not everyone gets on as well with everyone, that's just life at the end of the day and, at this club, we prefer to sort out our problems internally either through sulking or sending each other anonymous threats." The case continues...

isporty would like to know if there is a time bomb waiting to go off at your club? And also, just how do you deal with internal problems? Is sulking the answer or should we make some kind of effort? Please, we need some guidance on this one.

Snookered by genius

Snooker - Ralf Seasoning breezed into the last 16 of the Welsh Open and insisted: "I can play crap and still win tournaments. That's how good I am." The bashful rocket, who beat fellow Englishman Ian McCulloch 5-1 yesterday added: "Unless I reach the standard I know I'm capable of I just don't enjoy the game at all. Titles, trophies and money mean nothing to me. That's how good I am. I'm not being funny or anything but I need to be more machine-like and concentrate on technique. That's how good I am. I'm not being big headed but I can win playing 60%. That's how good I am. I can cover up problems with instinctive snooker, but that's no good to me. And the fact that that's no good to me further demonstrates just how good I am.

isporty would like to hear your examples of just how good you are. Or, to put it another way, do you know any arrogant, media- dodging mavericks in your sport? Is there a guy or girl in your league/club who delights in telling you just how good they are?