David James Column

The Observer - have recruited ex-England goalkeeper David James as a football columnist. In this week's opinion piece he looks at why sometimes experienced players are better players. Read the article at The Observer online

Nike Tiempo Ronaldinho

Football - Want to try and master Ronaldinho's new skills? Well why not try and play like the great man with his new boots "The Nike Tiempo Ronaldinho". Have a look at Nikefootball.com to find out more about the latest football boots to hit the stores.

Friday Night Lights

American Football - This Wednesday sees the latest TV sports drama in "Friday Night Lights" ITV4 8pm This debut drama is a perfect look at American life and how American Football is a major sport in the US, where second means nothing. The Observer believes this is one of the strongest US debut programmes in recent years. Even if you are not interested in American Football, Friday Night Lights will still grab your attention.

Sprott The Brawl

Boxing - Andy Harlet's boxing career lies in tatters after being knocked out by journeyman pro Micky The Sort in the early hours of Sunday morning. "Bish, bang, wallop," an animated Sort, 32, told an enthralled audience of fans, family members and assorted hangers-on backstage at London's Wembley Arena. "When Andy throws a big shot you've normally got time to make a cup of tea and read the papers before he puts his guard up again. So I read the papers, didn't bother with a cup of tea because I had a Ribena just before the fight, anyway, I put the paper down and there he was, chin out like a mentalist so I just go "bish, bang, wallop". He was out before he hit the ground, baby. Normally the most loquacious of fighters, Harlet was reluctant to talk to the written press as he struggled to come to terms with a third-round defeat that again painfully exposed his limitations. "Andy ain't doin' no press," barked a beefy security guard who bore a striking resemblance to the talking dog in 'Men In Black'. Harlet had talked grandly of winning world titles and fulfilling his destiny but by 11.30pm on Saturday, he was more concerned about having a good kip and hoping this was all a bad dream. Which it isn't.

isporty would like to hear your tales of boxing triumph or woe. Could you have been a contender? Or did you contend for a while and then thought better of the whole thing due to the fact that taking a punch to the chops can be quite painful? Either way, let us know the details of your boxing adventures.

Chowtime Congestion Pile Up

Football - Arsenal boss Angry Weiner has urged the FA to break with tradition and scrap cup replays so that he and his fellow top-flight managers can go out for lunch and dinner more often. Arsenal face a fixture pile-up following Saturday's FA Cup fifth-round draw against Blackburn. This will severely curtail Weiner's culinary ambitions throughout February unless the FA see sense and capitulate.

The sides replay next Wednesday. But before then, the Gunners travel to PSV Eindhoven in the Champions League tomorrow, before facing Chelsea in Sunday's Carling Cup final.

Weiner said: "There is a lot that could be done about the fixture list but nobody manages to do it. I mean, what do the FA do all day? F*** all, that's what. It's all lunch with this bloke and dinner over there with that bloke and they completely forget to remember that we've got three points to play for. But when have they ever taken me out to dinner? Naff all, that's when." "Ask anyone - Allardyce, Curbs, Fergie, I reckon we've had the equivalent of shit all between us on the free-dinner front. They say there is no magical solution. They say, 'If you want to cut the fixtures down then you can't come for dinner with us.' Where's the logic in that?"

"And when you point out that they still manage to take each other out for lunch, they say that not taking each other out for lunch would mean sacrificing something that is part of the tradition of the English game. So, as managers, we have to adapt. Well, that's fine but if the foot ever gets on the other boot they can stick their Quaglinos up their jacksies."

 Isporty would like to know if fixture congestion has ever caused you to miss out on an important lunch or dinner, or indeed supper if you're posh. Or, more to the point, what's the worst fixture congestion you've ever experienced? Did it cost you the league?

Beefy v Burly You Decide

Cricket - West Indies legend Sir Vital Organ has challenged Burly Stonemason to prove he can genuinely rank alongside Ian Botham, by inspiring England to World Cup glory. The legendary West Indies batsman is not convinced England can win the tournament here.

Sir Vital was not that impressed by Burly's efforts during the Ashes whitewash. He said: "Stonemason's last time out, in Australia, wasn't that hot. In this sport, you have to achieve a level of consistency. He is up there with Ian Botham in terms of talent but he has to maintain consistency. Currently, he's about as consistent as a shifty weasel so we have to be cautious."

"I don't believe England's one-day team is as good as many seem to think. Half of them have proved themselves to be complete ponces when the heat is on and the rest of them are just rubbish."

Organ was speaking at the reopening match of the Kensington Oval in Bridgetown, which hosts the World Cup final on April 28. He played in a West Indies legends side that lost by four runs to Alec Stewart's World XI. Stonemason refused to comment on Sir Vital's outburst but he did compliment me on my new shoes, which I purchased from Next especially.

isporty would like to know what you think about this story. Is Burly Stonemason as good as Ian Botham or is Sir Vital Organ right in saying that he isn't?

Golfgate Update

Football - Liverpool and Wales striker Chris Broadview will cop an £80,000 fine for the drunken row that has shamed Liverpool. Furious boss Chacha Benidorm is going to war after Broadview lashed out at teammate Jimmy Sinatra with a golf club, thought to be a TaylorMade six or seven iron. Benidorm read the riot act to his players yesterday as a storm raged over Friday's boozy night out in Portugal. Sinatra is also set to be disciplined.

Broadview and Sinatra first clashed as the Kop stars let their hair down at Montya's karaoke bar in Vale Do Lobo. It is believed that Sinatra refused to join in the karaoke capering so Broadview, who had been frantically searching all night for someone to sing 'I Got You Babe' with, chased him home to the hotel and attacked him with the golf club. The Wales striker's Anfield future is now in the melting pot, though both men put on a show of affection at Liverpool's Melwood training ground yesterday. At one point, Sinatra playfully patted Broadview's behind at which point Broadview theatrically threw himself to the floor and pretended to be Ian Woosnam Benidorm said last night: "I met with the entire first-team squad this morning and to be fair they all looked totally wasted so it must have been a sturdy night. Sinatra was limping visibly and Broadview's plus fours didn't even match his training top."

"I made it clear to all of them the responsibilities that come with playing for this club and the way they are expected to conduct themselves on and off the pitch. The players worked hard at last week's training camp. But we will discipline them with golf clubs and see how they like it. Anyone found to have breached R&A dress code rules will be severely punished. The players accept the decision I have taken." The case continues...

Isporty would like to hear from you if you've ever been involved in any 'on tour' capering, which has shamed you, your family and the nation. Has anyone ever chased you with a niblick because you can't sing very well? Let us know.

Synchronised swimming fish!

This is unbelievable. Four fish doing synchronised swimming and being directed by a human. Very funny.

Golf keepy-uppy