Chaos as PM joins 'Cash For Tickets' row

Prime Minister Tony Blair yesterday chose an unorthodox route to give his backing to The Sun campaign aimed at reducing ticket prices for football fans.

In an emotional and unscheduled address to the Working Men's Club in Sale, Blair shocked onlookers as he wept openly into his shandy and said loudly: "Leeds United added an extra 10,000 to their recent attendance versus QPR after Ken Bates finally realised that charging working class people £40 each to watch a bunch of over-paid muppets flounder around a football pitch, was not going to work." A visibly shaken Mr Blair had to be helped from the stage as he apeared to lose his footing getting down the steps. "I'm allright," he shouted but onlookers begged to differ. "He was pretty wasted," said a regular at the club. "He and a few of the other cabinet guys came in around 11.30 this morning after a foreign policy all nighter. You could tell they wanted to blow off some steam. A row broke out about football and Blair attempted to calm things down by jumping up on stage and waving a copy of The Sun at everyone." "What is it about bloody football?" he was later heard shouting as he queued for a cab. "It's madness when you think how bloody expensive it is. And clubs like Leeds are in serious danger of jettisonning a whole generation of would be fans whose parents can't afford the daft prices and who'll end up supporting the same old Premiership big guns as they can afford to watch them on TV. It's bloody sod's law, oi, I saw that cab first..."

isporty would like to know what you think of all this ticket pricing caper. Has the world gone mad? And if it has, what can be done about it? Come on, if it's good enough for the Prime Minister...

What's the best chant of the season?

Nuts Magazine are continuing their "2007 WKD Nuts Football Awards". This week's category is the best chant of the season. One of our favourities is "He'll shoot, he'll score, he'll eat your labrador, Seol Ki-Hyeon, Seol Ki-Hyeon!" Brilliant!!

Liverpool v Barcelona Preview

You can get 500-1 that Craig Bellamy will French kiss John Arne Riise as he flies through the air to score a dramatic bicycle kick winner in front of the Kop End next week.

And you can get a further 1,000-1 that Riise will remove his Liverpool shirt at the end of the game to reveal an undershirt which says 'Valley Boys do it best'. After their heroics in the Nou Camp last week, few people are backing against the Reds completing a famous victory. Even Ronaldinho was moved by events. "It take a lot to make me cry," said the horse-faced wizard. "But when I heard that Bellamy had made a proposal of marriage to John Arne Riise, I had to be hosed down. You'd have to be a mug to back against them going all the way and getting a hat-trick each against us in Liverpool. We've got no chance and between you and I, this trip to Liverpool for me is more about my pilgrimage to the Beatles Museum which is wonderful at this time of year. Paul McCartney is definitely my favourite Beatle."

isporty would like to know what you think is going to happen at Anfield next week. Will Liverpool triumph or will Ronaldinho forget all about The Beatles and concentrate on the job in hand?

The Worst Sporting Tantrums

Nuts magazine - After Lille's sulking against Man Utd last week, Nuts have searched the archives to find other sportsmen who have been left in a bit of a huff! Sport Stars David Beckham, 'The Rocket' Ronnie O'Sullivan and Martin 'Crazy' Keown are all included.

Nuts Pub Pool Challenge

Nuts Magazine in association with MoneyGaming.com are starting this year's "Nuts Pub Pool Challenge". First prize is a massive £50,000! Anyone can enter the competition and the finals will be screened on Sky Sports. To enter this competition you have to text NUTSPOOL followed by a space and then enter your postcode to 88100. To find out more information visit www.nuts.co.uk/pubpool or phone 0870 167 0731.

Nuts Investigation

Nuts Magazine have found a new breed of footballers known as SAF's - or more well known as Small Angry Footballers. Following Craig Bellamy's antics abroad last week Nuts have discovered that Bellamy is barmy because he's tiny. Other examples include Newcastle's wild Turk Emre and that little pushy Scot Paul Dickov. We think the founder of this footballer has to be Dennis Wise!

Competitive Dad loses the plot

Take a look at Zoo's 7 Hot Links - we suggest looking at video 4. A father sees his son lose a wrestling bout and decides he wants some of the action!

Could you be England's biggest fan?

Zoo Magazine has teamed up with Carlsberg to give England's biggest fan the chance to see every sports event at Wembley for a year! This includes England games,cup finals... the lot! Go to www.EnglandsBestFan.com/Probably and answer 20 questions all about the England football team in the fastest time possible. If you come out on top you will become a Wembley regular. Good Luck!

Play at the Emirates

The O2 fans 5-a-side football is just round the corner and O2 are giving teams the chance to play at Arsenal's new home, the Emirates. To enter, visit O2.co.uk/arsenal and enjoy the VIP treatment of this hallowed turf.

Ice Climbing

Ice Climbing, as the term indicates, is the activity of ascending inclined ice formations. Usually, though, ice climbing refers to roped and protected climbing of features such as icefalls, frozen waterfalls, and cliffs and rock slabs covered with ice refrozen from flows of water. Ice climbing is broadly divided into two spheres, alpine ice and water ice.

Dog Day Afternoon

Oscar De La Hoya has stunned future opponent Floyd Mayweather Jr after making a bizarre claim that Mayweather is, in actual fact, a small dog trapped in a large man's body.

As the run in to the world's richest ever bout, titled The World Awaits, began in earnest, De La Hoya wasted no time in admistering some serious freakdown to the proceedings: "I can tell when someone is nervous," said the self-styled Pretty Boy. "It's a bit like a Chihuahua looking for a loud discussion with an Alsatian, they don't really mean it. At the end of the day, Chihuahua's would rather settle down with a good book and have a smoke on their pipe. They might come over all 'Yeah? Yeah?,' but they really don't mean it." De La Hoya's comments were in response to Mayweather offering him a personal $3m bet as to the outcome. "I have yet to meet the Chihuahua who can get his hands on that kind of money quickly," said De La Hoya. "A St Bernard yes, a Labrador possibly but a Chihuahua? He's crazy." The World Awaits is being beamed live to 176 countries around the world and is expected to surpass pay-per-view records set by Lennox Lewis v Mike Tyson.

isporty would like to know which type of dog you think is most likely to be able to get his hands on $3m. Or, more reasonably, isporty would like to know who you think is going to win this mega fight. And what about Mayweather's estranged father, Floyd Mayweather Sr being De La Hoya's trainer?! You couldn't make it up. It's on HBO May 5th, don't miss it.

Wild Stallion

Italian rugby star Salvatore Perugini has issued a stark warning to New Zealand ahead of the 2007 Rugby World Cup.

After seeing off the Scots on Saturday for their first ever away win in the RBS Six Nations, things have got a little out of control in the corridors of power in Italian rugby. "If we can beat the Scots then our first game in the World Cup this summer against New Zealand should be no problem, we will crush them with our handling majesty," declared Perugini. Despite being rated at odds of between 200 and 1,000-1 by the bookies to win the cup, Perugini is defiant: "We are fighters and we are lovers. This will be the year that the world understands the beautiful painting of Italian rugby. And if we don't win, at least we look good when we walk down the streets of Madrid with the fashion."

isporty wants to know who you think is going to win this year's World Cup. Surely it'll be England. Or probably New Zealand or Australia or South Africa. And did you know that Argentina are rated with a much better chance than Scotland? Crikey, whatever next?

Wild Blue Honda

Those limp-wristed, liberal, do-gooders over at the Honda Formula One HQ are swapping last year's Lucky Strike cigarette advertising for a giant picture of the Earth to raise awareness of environmental issues.

"Climate change is probably the single biggest issue facing the global community and F1 is not immune from it," team boss Nick Fry said in a statement today. The fact that the RA107 vehicle that the logo is splattered all over uses more fuel in one lap than a fleet of Jumbo jets is of absolutely no consequence, whatsoever. And guess what, you can have your own name on the .. in tiny, eco-friendly letters. Check out their fuel-guzzling website, sign up and before you know it, you'll be squinitng till your eyes fall off as you try in vain to locate your name on a car travelling 270 miles per hour. The season starts in Melbourne on March 18.

isporty would like to know what hypocritical, headline grabbing, PR spinning nonsense your sports club has come up with over the years in order to make themselves feel better about stuff.

Golf tricks

The John Virgo of the golfing world shows off his trick shots.

Borat wrestling Harry Smith

Watch this funny sketch of Borat trying out his new wrestling skills!

Bermuda Snorts

More aggro in the build up to the Cricket World Cup as Bermudan cricket officials react angrily to suggestions by the Dutch team that they have exclusive rights over thrashing Scotland.

Bermudan wicket-dodger Kevin Hurdle said: "If anyone's going to slaughter the Scots, we will. The very idea that any Dutch team is going to get in there first and bag three points is laughable." Commentators then informed Hurdle that Bermuda weren't actually in Scotland's group, to which Hurdle retorted: "Just because we're making up the numbers as part of a futile attempt by the cricket authorities to make out the whole world loves cricket, doesn't mean we can't beat Scotland. Of course we can. We wouldn't turn up at all if we didn't think there was a good chance of us playing an even worse team than ourselves." There are nearly 2,000 cricketers in Bermuda.

isporty wants to know how excited you are about the prospect of Holland versus Scotland in the cricket World Cup in March. Will it be painful to watch or are you actually intending to crack open the beers, unleash the pretzels and have a cracking good laugh at their expense?

Man United secrets exposed

Man Utd No.2 loses his mind and tells the world Fergie's secrets.

So now we know the secrets to Manchester Utd's success. In a somewhat misguided interview in this week's Zoo magazine, Man Utd No 2 Carlos Queiroz decided to blow the gaff on exactly what makes the team tick. Apparently it's all down to six bits of paper stuck on the dressing room wall. The 'most important words' are king at Old Trafford, ranging from the 'six most important words' down to the 'single most important word. So here they are then, the six crucial messages every Manchester United player has to learn before he goes out on the pitch.

The six most important words: 'Don't Let Neville Take Free Kick'

The five most important words: 'Always Give Ball To Ponyboy'

The four most important words: 'Never take drug test''

The three most important words: 'I hate Liverpool'

The two most important words: 'And Chelsea'

The one most important word: 'Money'

So there yo have it, the key to success. All you have to do now is write them down and put them on your own dressing room wall and watch the results roll in.

isporty would like to know your own motivational secrets. What's the best team talk you've ever received? Was it a simple: "Get stuck in, you lilly-livered nancy boys!", or was there a certain nuance to the oratory that beguiled, informed and inspired? Let us know because we haven't got a clue

isporty in the press

isporty.com has been getting some great write ups in the press of late feel free to check out the links below.

Times Online

The Register

T3

Mashable

Virgin Media

Digitalspy

E-Consultancy

TMC Net

Creative Match

Itreseller.com

Snowboarding

Snowboarding is a boardsport that involves descending a snow-covered slope on a snowboard that is attached to one's feet. It is similar to skiing, but inspired by surfing and skateboarding. The sport was developed in the United States in the 1960s and 1970s and became a Winter Olympic Sport in 1998.

Take a trip to the Nou Camp!

The Evening Standard is offering reader's the opportunity to win VIP tickets to see Barcelona against Real Madrid. To have a chance of winning this fantastic trip to Spain buy tonight's Evening Standard!

Go Dutch Go!

World Cup Cricket minnows the Netherlands today went berserk, claiming that Scotland were in for a right pasting, as excitement reaches fever pitch in the Caribbean.

You might not be aware of this but in 1860, cricket was such big news in Holland that you could barely cross the canal in Amsterdam without some tanked up clog-tapper screaming 'Catchit!' at you. Nowadays it's not so big, but on March 16th, 6,000 stalwart cricketers in the Netherlands will be shouting loudly at their televisions as Andre van Troost, Dan van Bunge and Bas Zuiderent lead the team out for their opener against South Africa in St Kitts. As if that wasn't bad enough they've also got to face Australia, but at least they’re certain of three points against Scotland. “We might be a bit sketchy but Scotland make us look like world beaters.” Said van Bunge. “Anyone who says we’re crap has only got to look back at how we qualified for this tournament. There are no easy matches at this level and the United Arab Emirates were no mugs, I can tell you.” van Bunge was also quick to point out that Holland actually have some recent World Cup form, seeing off Namibia for their solitary World Cup victory in 2003. "Put that in your pipe and smokle it," raged van Bunge, "I'm having a pony on us to win the group — 250-1, can you believe that?!" Cricket is Holland's 25th most favourite sport.

isporty wants to know what your 25th most favourite sport is. Or to put it another way, who do you think is going to win the World Cup? I reckon England but don't let me push you around. Maybe you fancy Bermuda? Get all the latest odds and give the bookies your cash, they'll enjoy that.

Tony No

Crucible old boy refuses cue to leave.

Snooker - Former semi-finalist Tony Knowles fell at the first hurdle of his attempt to qualify for the final stages of the 888.com World Championship in Prestatyn. Knowles, snooker's 80s pin up boy, who reached the semis at the Crucible in 1983, 1985 and 1986, was beaten 5-4 by Londoner Del Smith in the first qualifying round. Smith overcame the 51-year-old's challenge by taking the deciding frame on the blue. A clearly confused Knowles, who earned £739,052.00 during his career said afterwards: "My understanding was that it wasn't over until the fat lady sang. Anyone in the crowd will tell you there weren't even any fat ladies there so you figure it out! As far as I'm concerned I'm still in with a chance. It might look like a long shot with me being eliminated and everything but I've never been a quitter and I'm not going to start now."

isporty wants to know who you think will win this year's World Championships? Is it possible, by any chance whatsoever, that Jimmy White might turn back the clock, overcome the odds and send us all into cliche-overdrive by winning? Or will it be someone boring as usual?

It's A Carling Cup Knockout

John Terry got off his hosptal bed to lift the Carling Cup last night and said: “Who's getting married?”

The Chelsea skipper was knocked unconscious at 4.11pm after being kicked in the face by Arsenal’s Abou Diaby. But after discharging himself from hospital in Cardiff he was back at the Millennium Stadium at 5.58. There he joined in the party to celebrate the victory over Arsenal with relieved team-mates who cheered as he held the Carling Cup aloft in the dressing room. The England captain, 26, was earlier rushed to University Hospital Cardiff in a neck brace and wearing an oxygen mask. He regained consciousness soon after being admitted. Terry initially could not remember anything after what he had for his breakfast, though he remembered this with pinpoint accuracy — Two rounds of cheese on toast, a glass of Innocent smoothie because it's all natural ingredients and the labels are reallly funny aren't they, two poached eggs and a flagoon of whisky. But then he began to recognise the Chelsea medics who had gone to the hospital, one of whom Terry claimed looked like his Auntie Nerys just after she got married to Uncle Sid. Having been scanned and checked by specialists, he dashed back to the stadium to join in the celebrations. When asked how he was feeling he replied “I’m just glad the wedding went off without a hitch and the best man didn't say anything rude in his speech.”

isporty wants to know what horrendous injuries have stricken your own sporting careers. Have you ever been clobbered in the face by the stray boot of an opponent? If so, did it really hurt or are you actually quite hard so that sort of thing doesn't bother you?

Top 10 Movies

According to the biggest database for movies on the net here are the top 10 sports related movies of all time. Does anyone beg to differ?

TOP 10 Sporting Movies

1.Raging Bull (1980)

2.Million Dollar Baby (2004)

3.Hustler, The (1961)

4.Set-Up, The (1949)

5.Cinderella Man (2005)

6.World's Fastest Indian, The (2005)

7.Flåklypa Grand Prix (1975)

8.Rocky (1976)

9.Lagaan: Once Upon a Time in India

10.Loneliness of the Long Distance Runner, The (1962)

Top 10 sporting violence clips

Now we're talking. Grown men standing toe to toe, beating ten tons of shit out of each other with a remorseless disregard for their own safety.

And that's just the dudes from the over 60s chess match. Gasp in awe as Australian and New Zealand Rugby leaguers do their bit for international diplomacy by placing several hundred well timed left hooks to each others jaws. Sigh in disappointment as Aidy Boothroyd gets banished to the stands before the opposition team can beat him to a pulp. And then there's the American ice hockey match where the violence isn't on the pitch or in the stands, it's bloody both! See what happens when the boozed up ice hockey fans clash with the opposing team. Carnage, absolute bleedin' carnage.

1.Football Mass Brawl

2.Ice Hockey CrowdFight

3.Another Football Mass Brawl

4.Good Old QPR

5.Fab Kick

6.Gilrs!Girls!?!

7.Rugby Fight

8.Various Artists Get Down!

9.Ice Hockey Punch Up

10.A Great Compilation

Lob Wedge War

Tennis - Blimey, first they want equal voting rights, then they started setting light to our vests and now it's equal pay for women tennis players at Wimbledon. Which is strange because I always thought they got the same. But apparently Wimbledon's the last Grand Slam not to award both sexes the same prize money. No surprise that the All England Club are a little slow on the uptake of changes in modern society but there you go. It's not right though, is it - equal pay for women tennis players? They only play three sets max and, as I recall, most of the matches end 6-0 6-0 to Billie Jean King. Plus, all that extra time not playing five sets means they can all enter the doubles so they're probably making even more cash than the fellas! It's an outrage. Mind you I haven't paid much notice since Buster Mottram got banned for attempting to kill that line judge with his second serve. Now there was a forward thinking young man.

isporty wants to know what tragic discrimination you've been faced with in your sport. Do they take one look at you at the gate and say: "Dustbin day's Friday mate." Or "Clear off, we don't like your kind round these parts." Let us know and we'll get it sorted no dramas.

Told you!

Stricken England boss faces devastating climbdown

Football - David Beckham was close to an England recall last night as Steve McClaren prepared to make a huge U-turn and admit he’s been a total fool. The England manager watched tapes of Beckham's man of the match display for Real Madrid on Tuesday in the Champions League and admitted he was close to welcoming the former skipper back into the fold. McClaren said: "It gives me a problem. On the one hand I’m going to look like a spineless muppet who doesn’t know his own mind, and on the other hand I wouldn’t mind winning a match at some stage. It's a thundering nuisance, I don’t mind telling you."

isporty would like to know if you've ever had to make a difficult selection decision involving someone you clearly don't like but is obviously the best person in their position? Or, have you been left out of things at your sporting club because the berk in charge couldn't see how great you really are? Email us now before you forget...

Terry Venables Interview

Terry Venables interviewed at the iSporty launch party.

Terry Venables interviewed at the iSporty launch party.

Bels Boys Interview

Bels Boys talk to iSporty

Bels Boys talk to iSporty

Bellamy & Riise — Marriage on cards?

Football Astonishing revelations from Anfield

You couldn't bleedin' make it up could you? Just when you thought Craig Bellamy was going to be consigned to the great footballing graveyard in the sky (or Portsmouth or somewhere) he goes and turns in a blinder, scoring Liverpool's first when the Barca keeper got scared of his header and ran away into his own net, and then... wait for it, teeing up John Arne Riise for the second! Bellamy, dubbed the 'Nutter with the Putter' after attacking Riise with a golf club last week, said: "I hope this will put an end to all the nonsense. The fact is that John Arne Riise and I are very much in love. That whole thing with the golf club was no more than anyone would have done if they'd caught the man they loved winking at Peter Crouch. I'm sorry, that's just me. John knows who I am and what I'm capable of, I just hope the gaffer sees it the same way." Riise, sporting a magnificent diamond ring, couldn't conceal his glee: "It's true, we're engaged. It was very romantic. We were playing golf and Craig asked me if I had any spare Titleist ProV1s as he had just shanked his last one into the trees, so I looked in my golf bag and there it was, an engagement ring. Well, you hear about things like this in Mills & Boon books but when it happens to you, well.." Riise reckoned it was written in the stars that both he and Bellamy would get engaged and prove to be Euro heroes all in the same week. He said: "It was destiny for both of us, I think. Craig and myself have had a difficult build-up but we’ve put it behind us. I hope the press will now respect our privacy and leave us to enjoy our honeymoon."

isporty would like to know if you've ever accidentally fallen in love with a team mate/running partner etc after they attacked you with a sporting item unrelated to your actual specialist sport? Did it affect your game or spur you on to greater things?

Sporting Nudity Reaches Epidemic Status

What’s going on for crying out loud? Everyone’s taken their clothes off and started running round the place like they’ve got something unusual and interesting to show us. I mean, whatever happened to decency, moral fortitude and all that? First we had that streaker running on at Lords and showing a perplexed Mike Gatting her whadjamacallits. And if anyone can name me the last Premiership footy player to score and not whip off his shirt, I’ll give them a shiny shilling. And woe betide you accidentally stray onto the pitch as the full-time whistle goes. No sooner has Mike Wiley taken his whistle out of his mouth than the centre circle turns into cocktail hour in Boystown, with fully grown men disrobing first chance they get, flexing their washboards and grinning at each other like they know something we don’t. And it’s not just streakers and Premiership footie players. We’ve had nude surfing, nude show jumping, nude skiing, topless darts, nude rugby and nude chess. Why can’t they show a little restraint for crying out loud? Be a bit more like the rest of us who unfortunately don’t look like middleweight boxers in their prime.

isporty would like to see your nude videos. I mean, let me rephrase that in case someone calls the video cops. isporty would like to see any footage you might have completely innocently and accidentally come across which involves fully grown men or women playing, or attempting to play, their chosen sport. Come on, it’ll be a laugh. For us, that is. Here's some videos you may like to have a look at....

1.My God!

2.The Future of Football?

3.Transexual Poker

4.Streaker

5.Wierd Darts

isporty launch match report

Launch Pictures- It was like the tide coming in; the celebs, the sports stars, the magazine editors, the lovely ladies and the lolly-gaggers who got lost on their way to the toilets on the next floor down; they all converged on one place and one place only last Thursday night. And I'm not talking about London Fashion Week which, you would be right to point out, is another place that some people went to instead. But anyone with any sense and a firm grasp of what it means to have a corking night out, came out in force for the isporty.com launch party. Remorselessly they devoured the half-time oranges; like there was no tomorrow they knocked back the free post-match pints; and with unstinting commitment did they endeavour to have the hooha of all hoohas. Team isporty were there in force, working the room like a pack of blood thirsty media tarts, making sure the guests hadn't fallen over, ensuring that the prawn sandwiches weren't curling at the edges and that the crispiness of the crisps remained at crisp-factor1. Founders Chris Ward and Russ Fraser lorded it around the place with the look of men on a mission; internet Publishing Overlord David Maher Roberts checked his stats and looked satisfied; presenters Rebecca Lowe, and Jo Ankier (who's also the UK's tops 3,000 metre steeplechase runner)swanned about like a couple of ladies of the sporting realm and that funny looking bloke in glasses who writes stuff down and calls it 'journalism', Tim Southwell, pointed important people in the direction of the isporty camera man. Every man jack of the team wore i-sporty branded t-shirts with their names on their backs so people knew who the hell they were. Uniformed up, they proceeded to prowl the arena with gusto, talking cleverly to journalists, regaling the crowd with made up sporting achievements and generally looking like a bunch of cats who'd been kidnapped and taken to the help-yourself cream emporium.

The guest list was like a Wardour St version of the Oscars: It wouldn't be right to mention them all here as some of them are actually quite bashful, but suffice to say that, as isporty investor Terry Venables gave a half-time interview to our own Rebecca Lowe, the onlooking crowd looked like a who's who of media moguls and sporting types. Men's Health Editor, Morgan Rees tucked into the half-time oranges like there was no tomorrow and said: "It's enough to make you take up sport", while Esquire Art Editor Declan Fahey was heard shouting "I love rock climbing!" whilst simultaneously playing both Subbuteo and a Wi version of NASCAR 2007. Chemmy Alcott, Britain's finest skier, declared: "I'll need one of my trademark post-training ice baths after this!" And GolfPunk Associate Editor Iestyn George said excitedly that the whole isporty thing: "Looks like a great idea". Too right, old son. Too bloody right.

And then it was all supposed to be over but no one wanted to leave. They were having too much fun. Not even putting the Newcastle game on TV could dampen our spirits as we went off into the Soho night in search of a post, post-match party pint. I'm not entirely certain but I think we may have found more than one because things were pretty quiet the next morning.

We're up and running people! isporty would like to thank the wonderful people at Heineken for the beer, Red Bull for the energy and OVS for the lovely Chamarre wine. God bless you, everyone!!

The Wrong Gong

Cricket - Those smug Aussies who spent the winter mocking Paul Collingwood's MBE are on course to collect their own OBEs at the World Cup - Out Before Easter. That's right. There they were thinking they were the best team in the world, unbeatable in every competition and therefore quite entitled to being given a big award by someone important, and suddenly everyone from Luxembourg to England start beating them. Ha, ha, bloody ha, you arrogant, conceited halfwits. Paul Collingwood getting an MBE? What a bloody joke, you say. What, the bloke who knocked you losers all over the park whenever he felt like it? Is that the bloke? MBEs 'just for winning a cricket match' complete joke isn't it? In that case none of you will mind giving your awards to me and I will pass them on to the England B team who might be feeling a bit left out of all this.

**isporty* would like to know if you've ever been caught short slagging off a trophy or award because you never thought you'd win one and then got offered one and had to admit you're a spineless, hypocritical twat? Let us know

Le Brickbats hurled at le Footie Match