Lloyds bank the goals as IVFC end up in Red. (9-4)

Harassed defender Whippet has leapt to the defense of embattled IvFC Junior Vets.

IVFc has come under increasing pressure after their honeymoon period came to an end on Sunday and the defeat at Sydenham has only added to the unrest.

The knives have been sharpened and it’s only a matter of time before a suitable back is found. But Whippet feels the finger of blame should be pointed at the players (of the opposition) rather than the manager or man with a magic sponge.

"There should be no pressure at all on us to perform at this level as it is the players out there that are Scottish that did all the damage" Whippet told Sky Sports News.

"It is disappointing when you hear the fans shouting obscenities, but the players should take full responsibility, its not that we don’t like the Scots (in fact several of our team are Scottish) and y’know we have a laugh and that, offering to deep fry Mars Bars etc, its just that you don’t expect them to play that well. I mean we come all the way out here and expected a bit of an easy ride, nice three points and you see they just haven’t played how they should have, I mean some of them were quiet good.”

"We are the ones out there and we could not have prepared any better, the manager probably could not have picked a better team, unless he had some better players.”

To shouts of “You Don’t know what you’re doing” IVFC were playing catch-up in the game for 90 minutes, behind all the way and looking as they would cement their position as runners up. After a dismal opening 15 minutes when goals flew in quicker than Heather McCartney to a Gold Digging convention, IVFC managed to get to grips with the play makers and at least assert their combined weight to meaningful football. Crosses and searching runs found their target and the half finished positively with Neutoni and Schmidt getting on the score sheet.

With IVFC in the ascendancy the second half promised more than it delivered “a lot of people said a draw would be a fair result” mused Sox…not if you are a good as IVFC think they are. Where was the craft, the skill, and the swagger of the last 7 wins? The defense lacked a clear format; the system changed more than once….zone, man-to-man, sweeping. Whippet was left to pick up the pieces as players bombed forwards only to find they didn’t have the legs for the return journey.

Whippet added: "There was still a long way [to go]….back to the dressing room and you don't want to go home early unless of course they were going to score ten.We always tend to leave ourselves a bit of an uphill task, it goes with the history of this country. I mean the demographics show….(sorry a bit out of my depth…) anyway it was a game of two halves.”

Midfield maestro ‘M’, who found his symphony out of tune in middle of the park, summed it up: “ It feels like a defeat”.
He later added “its one game in a season…I don’t know what all the fuss is about”. Getting on the score sheet in the second half was little consolation for a player who many see as the midfield glue, unfortunately despite his panache IVFC came unstuck. Too little too late were the cries, as an overworked Dougarri netted after and hour to bring some respectability and hope. Any other day and 4 goals would have seen off the old foe..but not this day..this pitch…this hour (and a half) .

“If you want to do well in this game, you’ve got to be a bad loser…not a good one, and its just not fair how good their forwards were” Said the manager before going off to sulk.

Whippet refuse to be named and shamed as the person everyone was talking about: “people say I am avoiding the issue by sticking two fingers up at my critics, I didn’t get where I am today by avoiding speeding fines in my Porsche, handing over large wedges of cash to Dinescu and providing personal services to Dougarri”.

As IVFC look forward to their next game, we hope that gone is the complacency, gone are the excuses and more importantly gone are the Scottish ex-professionals.


The Scottish players were unavailable for a comment…(Probably off eating Haggis or getting a kilt fitted)

Man of the match – Schmidt for outstanding contribution to passing, moving, heading & fashion.

Team: 4-4-2…or...3-5-1..or..2-5-3…..(shhexxxshy total football)

Deano GK (5)– had little to do other than pick the ball out the back of the net. Pulled off a few fine saves to prevent double figures.

Whippet RB-Sweeper-CB (2) – Woeful, at fault for a least three goals, should be vilified up and down the country, effigies burnt etc…

George CB - FW (3) – stand in defender looked solid against the onslaught, went wandering forward in the second-half, missed a sitter at the back post.

Kolo Grave LB (4)– Harassed on occasion, seldom allowed to venture forward and deliver his usual finesse.

Sox CB (4)-Decided after 15 minutes to man mark the tiny Scot, ended up being run ragged. Valiant effort.

Fferrari LM (6)– broke up oppo advances and terrorized the left wing. Responsible for a fine corner, which let to Schmitt’s goal.

Raynaldo CM (6) – quiet by his standards – too busy protecting the defensive line to push forwards.
Super Sub. - (4) 2 games in weekend probably took a bit out of the guy.

‘M’ CM (7) – a goal and a positive performance, was found wanting more service from the embattled defense.

Schmidt RM (6) – stormed passed the oppo when he had the ball, rose magnificently to head in a great corner from Pete. Was being dragged back to help with defensive duties.

Dougarri FW (6)– came very deep trying to bring the ball forward leaving Neutoni isolated. Had a few efforts on goal but out of position too often to be at his most dangerous. Despite this manage to get one on the score sheet.

Neutoni FW (7)– a goal and lots of hard work, with Dougarri dropping to provide the service, Neutoni found himself with 2 and sometimes 3 people marking him out of the game.


(The characters and personalities in this report are actual people and any offense given or implied is entirely coincidental to the fact we were pretty average on Sunday)