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Posted Aug 20th 2007, 3:15pm
by Gareth Davies
New Boots, New Goals, New Pitch.
New Boots, New Pitch, New Goals
As purchases go, my new boots were, by a long chalk, the most flamboyant procurement in my footballing career. I'd done white...they were so 1999...but Garybaldy seemed to think he was still 'in' when he strolled up at Tuesday practices...no one told him to his face that they looked a bit like and updated pair of Green Flash, but they did.
Emboldened by Sutty's skill sessions over the last couple of weeks, I decided to head 'up west' and splash some cash on a new pair of boots. So it was I ended up leaving Nike Town with a smile and a very bright Yellow pair of boots. Meanwhile I had been informed Rusti was scouring the south London sport shops, looking for a pair of ex-Eastern block made hob-nails, made from the skins of poor people and the tyres from Aeroflot jumbo's. Ha...my light as a feather coco the clown shoes would be the envy of all.....or was the ridicule.
Then it happened..A certain Mr. Rooney stepped onto the field of some northern football club...(can't remember..something about "Untied") and promptly was put out for weeks due to someone tiptoeing over his bright yellow boots (the same aforementioned ones...) and causing a well known foot injury.
I began to have my doubts as to whether these little babies had the protection I needed (being that I always ended up in the back 4 and often had to mercilessly hack down the oppo..)
Anyway apparently Rusty had snapped up the last pair of DyouVantaChopaLegov PRO™ so I had to live with my foolhardy decision.
New goals. New Pitch
The nets took ages to put up...Nick DiBaggio and I doing the basics ably assisted by Sutty and a few other sauntering along early to help out. But with practice we reckon we can get it down to 5 minutes with the help of Sutty and his Army skills. Next year we're entering the Horse of the year show. Instead of running a gun carriage across a course we'll do a set of goals....
Pitch is great, if on a slight incline, nice and lush...not sure how that will last with a bunch of Rugger boys on it every week...anyhow we are lucky
its in such good nick to start.
As we were sorting out one end of a goal from another the rain started lashing down, and it continued off and on for the rest of the day. The match kicked off with a few miserable faces, belying their thoughts...."What the F*!k am I doing this for again..?"
As Willi's last match for IVFC he was made captain and immediately brought to bear his good fortune..by winning the choice of ends. We started uphill with the wind and the rain on our backs. The oppo although younger by some distance, were slightly more portly in some areas of the pitch which allowed IVFC to play some great football.
The skill sessions had I think paid off for some of those that had turned up. It was good football...no really it was. Considering a team of Misfits, wannabe's, old hands and energetic whippersnappers had been ably brought together by Dougarri and Dinescu..it worked. The Back 4 played well, the midfield probed and ran and ran and ran and upfront questions were being asked of the hefty oppo.
Having blazed past a few defenders in my time, I relished the prospect of doing so in my new winged boots...It wasn't long before I had the chance to
try my hand a t a bit of 'Defender Worrying'. I took the ball in my own half and ran at the twenty something defender (who admittedly was carrying a bit more timber than should have been) as he drew near to clatter me a slight change of shoulder (a la Sutty's Skills) and he bought it, I played the ball through his legs and was away..."run Forrest Run".... a neat square ball to Sutty on the edge of the box, but the surface just took it away from a peachy strike on goal.
The signs were there. Magic boots do you stuff.....I then got subbed....in order to give those more elderly a little time in the sunshine.(well the glare off the boots is pretty strong)
With Schmidt and Koch’s now on we retained our shape and carried on the neat football. Even With a few playmakers in the oppo we managed to contain most attacks, which were few. Unfortunately they converted one of these and we all felt a bit cheated.
The half time came and there were a great deal of positive words flying around....I think the rain must have dulled my senses but I am sure I didn't hear anything derogatory....
The second half continued in the same fashion..nice football..neat triangles...even give and go’s.
With a few more personnel changes, i ended up at left back replacing a Hamstrung Hotel...such was the enjoyment I don't think even he wanted to leave the pitch despite the pain.
With more and more space opening up (the oppo later turned out to be a pub side...a few of whom had reinforced their status the previous night by having a few too many) as they began to tire,
Kochs had many forays down the right side, Schmidt and I down the left it was only a matter of time.
Dougarri replaced Schmidt with Rongun and Neutoni in the centre...Dougarri felt a bit out of place....hey join the gang..But all in all most put in a credible performance..... until…
As the game drew to a close the oppo keeper hoisted a speculative ball in the atmosphere. I like to say here in a Bill McLaren-esqu manner "it came dooon with Snoow on it" ….it bounced a couple of yards from me and with ever closing attackers I hesitated for a mo and instead of lamping it out or heading it back to the keeper i gently cushioned it down towards him and as the No.14 raced through onto the panic stricken Moreleni and scramble ensued the oppo squared it to two waiting compadrés who calmly slotted it home. Sorry Lads I think the glare from the boots blinded him…!
A 2-0 win defeat was not a true reflection of the game, all we need to add to our silky skills, is to finish the pie.
With our new posts unworried by an IVFC strike....a few good men helped take the nets ) and Flags down ( that Nick Di Baggio,Sutty and I put up). Some skivers...snuck off without even offering.
These things are bloody heavy, despite their wheels. So if you don't help to put them up, because you are late, lost or suffering from 'can't get out of bed in time' syndrome.... PLEASE make sure you help by taking them down.
Team : Moreleoni, Hotel, Sweeney,de Wilders, GaryBaldi, Schmidt,Pricey,Steve,Sutty, wippett, Neutoni, dougarri,Kochs,Wright'un,
Man of the match :Morleoni
.For a couple of cracking saves
Posted Apr 10th 2007, 11:56am by Gareth Davies
Easter Rising
Alleluia Alleluia, Mixed vets team re-born
IVFC (mixed) {4} vs Belvedere {0}
With the Holy trinity in omnipresence, Dinescu (the father) Dougarri (the son) and Garibaldi (the oldie Ghost…surely holy! Ed.) a team whose belief can be questioned sometimes laid waste to the Evil that was Belvedere.
Having dragged themselves through the streets of south London, often castigated for their belief that they were good football players, one thing remained this Sunday…they, in their Papal strip, would shine like a beacon for all the world to see…(well all for the world that they could see from the pitch at the Barracks.)
Like a prodigal son returning, Sutty arrived from his 40 days and 40 nights in the wilderness of Scotland (where ever the MOD chose to send him*) His vocation for Midfield order saw a coherence of all elements with every man turning in a good performance.
With Rusti, Garlibaldi, Pops and Pab holding fast in defence apart from a few mis-communications, the midfield were allowed to exploit the weaknesses of the oppo by nailing some fine passes through to the wingers who were able to put up some fine crosses.
After much divine intervention at the foot of the goal the break through came with Dougarri, hotly followed by Schmitt who linked well to evade a late scything from a non-believer and deliver a blow at the heart of Belvedere, probably the pick of the bunch.
Two nil down and there was to be no second coming from the oppo.
Dougarri’s half-time talk / sermon went a bit over the top but its intention was admirable…
….“The path of the IVFC man is beset on all sides by the bad tackles of the selfish and the diving of evil men. Blessed is he, who in the name of winning and sod the oppo, shepherds the weak (or Padjak) through the valley of Charlton, for he is truly his brother's keeper (who would have nothing to do all day either) and the finder of lost causes. And I will strike into the goal upon thee with great vengeance and furious bitching those who would attempt to chop me down and destroy my teammates. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my hand upon thee (and tell you you’re subbed) “
After the fire and brimstone from the one they call Tall…Pricey notched a fine effort with the oppo’s defence still asleep. Late on Pricey tapped in after Dougarri prostrated himself at the foot of a cross, inadvertently taking out (Bundle in old skool parlance) the keeper.
The second half comfort zone was tested as most players bar Rusti and Padjak had a ‘go’ upfront. With spring in their step, the team felt it could do no wrong..and as it turned out they were right.
Four nil and the team from the marshes were sent skulking back to the reed beds to rue the day they came upon this band of 12 men good and true. Well..ok maybe not good and maybe not true but this was win was no miracle.
NB.
Wikipedia - A word about the role of the keeper –
Usually special rules apply to the goalkeeper that do not apply to the other players. In certain games such as those played for IVFC Mixed vet’s team’s goalkeepers are required to wear special equipment like Slippers and a pipe, a copy of the Guardian to protect their bodies from boredom. In soccer goalkeepers wear gloves that keep their hands warm because the oppo never has a shot on goal.
Team
Padjak – gaol keeper, Gari The Baldi, Rusti The Forward, Pop the King of Emails, Pab the Lo, Sutty the prodigal son, Ray the Naldo of Plumstead, Steve the older, Simon Son of Schmitt, Dougarri the Non Believer, Pricey the expensive one, Kev of The Bench.
Man of the match – Team IVFC for their devotion to the cause
* You can read all about Sutty’s time in the wilderness exclusively on this site. All fee’s (half a dinare..half a dinare for a life story!) from this piece of cheque book journalism go directly to Faye Tozer (sorry Turney) in order for her to get a proper job on reality TV.
Comments
Posted Apr 2nd 2007, 12:44pm by Gareth Davies
Young Vets draw a Blanco against Sanco.
The game was pencilled in for a mighty clash at the barrack’s, however cometh the hour….cometh the man…well a phone call in fact… “sorry we can’t raise a team”.
With heavy hearts the message disseminated to the ‘keen as mustard’ (made in Norwich) players.
Doom and despair followed in greater waves of despondency than last week’s 9-4 drubbing…..what in effect this message meant was that we’d have to spend the Sunday morning’s with our families / mistress’ / spliff’s / parole officer (delete as appropriate)
My morning kicked off with a bright start..namely the ‘Heaven and Earth show’…what Gloria Hunniford can’t tell me about step in bath’s and planning for my funeral isn’t worth knowing (sorry that’s June Whitfield)..Anyway Charles Kennedy looked bright and breezy on the wing (of the sofa), probably had a little stiffener out of the chalice, well after all it was 11am.
At the half time whistle some big decisions had to be made in order to keep things going….was it to be a digestive and a cup of coffee or a cup of Tea and a shortbread..Big decisions needed big players.
So with John Craven dusting off his jumper for another week Countryfile got underway and immediately scored with an item about Follies……as I found out the goal was disallowed …for far from being about the lovely ladies of Paris, who “entertain” gentlemen…it was about architectural whims of wealthy landowners…..
Anyway as the morning ground to an unexciting conclusion…the proverbial 0-0…..all across London, members of IVFC junior vets were praying that no more matches would be cancelled otherwise desperate measures would have to be taken……TRAINING.
Comments
Sounds like a fair result. It's always good to get a clean sheet. In fact I managed several clean sheets that Sunday morning, the whites came out brilliantly. It's amazing the results Ariel can give you on a cooler wash these days.
Posted by Russ Fraser, Apr 4th 2007, 2:55pm
Posted Mar 26th 2007, 2:49pm by Gareth Davies
Lloyds bank the goals as IVFC end up in Red. (9-4)
Harassed defender Whippet has leapt to the defense of embattled IvFC Junior Vets.
IVFc has come under increasing pressure after their honeymoon period came to an end on Sunday and the defeat at Sydenham has only added to the unrest.
The knives have been sharpened and it’s only a matter of time before a suitable back is found. But Whippet feels the finger of blame should be pointed at the players (of the opposition) rather than the manager or man with a magic sponge.
"There should be no pressure at all on us to perform at this level as it is the players out there that are Scottish that did all the damage" Whippet told Sky Sports News.
"It is disappointing when you hear the fans shouting obscenities, but the players should take full responsibility, its not that we don’t like the Scots (in fact several of our team are Scottish) and y’know we have a laugh and that, offering to deep fry Mars Bars etc, its just that you don’t expect them to play that well. I mean we come all the way out here and expected a bit of an easy ride, nice three points and you see they just haven’t played how they should have, I mean some of them were quiet good.”
"We are the ones out there and we could not have prepared any better, the manager probably could not have picked a better team, unless he had some better players.”
To shouts of “You Don’t know what you’re doing” IVFC were playing catch-up in the game for 90 minutes, behind all the way and looking as they would cement their position as runners up. After a dismal opening 15 minutes when goals flew in quicker than Heather McCartney to a Gold Digging convention, IVFC managed to get to grips with the play makers and at least assert their combined weight to meaningful football. Crosses and searching runs found their target and the half finished positively with Neutoni and Schmidt getting on the score sheet.
With IVFC in the ascendancy the second half promised more than it delivered “a lot of people said a draw would be a fair result” mused Sox…not if you are a good as IVFC think they are. Where was the craft, the skill, and the swagger of the last 7 wins? The defense lacked a clear format; the system changed more than once….zone, man-to-man, sweeping. Whippet was left to pick up the pieces as players bombed forwards only to find they didn’t have the legs for the return journey.
Whippet added: "There was still a long way [to go]….back to the dressing room and you don't want to go home early unless of course they were going to score ten.We always tend to leave ourselves a bit of an uphill task, it goes with the history of this country. I mean the demographics show….(sorry a bit out of my depth…) anyway it was a game of two halves.”
Midfield maestro ‘M’, who found his symphony out of tune in middle of the park, summed it up: “ It feels like a defeat”.
He later added “its one game in a season…I don’t know what all the fuss is about”. Getting on the score sheet in the second half was little consolation for a player who many see as the midfield glue, unfortunately despite his panache IVFC came unstuck. Too little too late were the cries, as an overworked Dougarri netted after and hour to bring some respectability and hope. Any other day and 4 goals would have seen off the old foe..but not this day..this pitch…this hour (and a half) .
“If you want to do well in this game, you’ve got to be a bad loser…not a good one, and its just not fair how good their forwards were” Said the manager before going off to sulk.
Whippet refuse to be named and shamed as the person everyone was talking about: “people say I am avoiding the issue by sticking two fingers up at my critics, I didn’t get where I am today by avoiding speeding fines in my Porsche, handing over large wedges of cash to Dinescu and providing personal services to Dougarri”.
As IVFC look forward to their next game, we hope that gone is the complacency, gone are the excuses and more importantly gone are the Scottish ex-professionals.
The Scottish players were unavailable for a comment…(Probably off eating Haggis or getting a kilt fitted)
Man of the match – Schmidt for outstanding contribution to passing, moving, heading & fashion.
Team: 4-4-2…or...3-5-1..or..2-5-3…..(shhexxxshy total football)
Deano GK (5)– had little to do other than pick the ball out the back of the net. Pulled off a few fine saves to prevent double figures.
Whippet RB-Sweeper-CB (2) – Woeful, at fault for a least three goals, should be vilified up and down the country, effigies burnt etc…
George CB - FW (3) – stand in defender looked solid against the onslaught, went wandering forward in the second-half, missed a sitter at the back post.
Kolo Grave LB (4)– Harassed on occasion, seldom allowed to venture forward and deliver his usual finesse.
Sox CB (4)-Decided after 15 minutes to man mark the tiny Scot, ended up being run ragged. Valiant effort.
Fferrari LM (6)– broke up oppo advances and terrorized the left wing. Responsible for a fine corner, which let to Schmitt’s goal.
Raynaldo CM (6) – quiet by his standards – too busy protecting the defensive line to push forwards.
Super Sub. - (4) 2 games in weekend probably took a bit out of the guy.
‘M’ CM (7) – a goal and a positive performance, was found wanting more service from the embattled defense.
Schmidt RM (6) – stormed passed the oppo when he had the ball, rose magnificently to head in a great corner from Pete. Was being dragged back to help with defensive duties.
Dougarri FW (6)– came very deep trying to bring the ball forward leaving Neutoni isolated. Had a few efforts on goal but out of position too often to be at his most dangerous. Despite this manage to get one on the score sheet.
Neutoni FW (7)– a goal and lots of hard work, with Dougarri dropping to provide the service, Neutoni found himself with 2 and sometimes 3 people marking him out of the game.
(The characters and personalities in this report are actual people and any offense given or implied is entirely coincidental to the fact we were pretty average on Sunday)
Comments
Sounds like you missed that Gobby bloke that normally plays at the back!
Posted by Russ Fraser, Mar 26th 2007, 5:12pm
Posted Mar 20th 2007, 4:13pm by Gareth Davies
Stato...stato...stato
P W L D F A PTS
47 18 23 6 128 120 60
Comments
Posted Mar 20th 2007, 3:58pm by Gareth Davies
Old Colfs Gone with the wind…7-1 to Inter Vyagra
The following is not so much a forecast as a reflection on the insanely strong wind and the opposition that we left in the doldrums.
Gale warning
10.30 (ish..!!) Sunday 18 Mar
South Easterly storm force, 9 players increasing later to 11 with oppo standing in.
Wind
Came mainly from the west (Hammersmith via Matteo) Light in-pant staining was expected but failed to materialize. Unexpected lateness from the east, Essex trains delayed the Schmitt front. Late on he moved in quickly to cause squalls of talent in the midfield.
Weather
Very strong waves of pressure forming along the IVFC front leading to multiple hail of shots on target resultant in saturation point.
Visibility & Activity
All players Moderate or good, very occasionally poor. On the wing’s, Pete was found blowing hard but effective, Kochs was like lightening (relatively)
The middle of the park was deluged with IVFC passing and moving. Up front the tall one and Neutoni were effective in causing depression amongst the OC’s defense. The rear of the team held strong tightly packed lines and would have produced a clean sheet bar a minor mishap and an isolated goal strike.
State of Opposition.
Very rough and slow, occasionally brought pressure. A real Shower.
And now for individual Goal Force warnings
NEUTONI 4,lots of pressure, veering left and right to take seasonal goal tally higher.
‘M’ 1 goal with severe movements from midfield leading to multiple spray of purposeful shots to bring into effect other IVFC players.
SPARGO 1 (Pen) slow moving but ever present, presented immovable presence, thundering into people even without the ball.
DOUGARRI 1 and many rising…storming performance even so!
Team- Tom, Whippet, Pab-‘Low’, Will-oppo, ‘Wind’ Sox, Kochs, Spargo, ‘M’, Pete (Storm ‘f’orce 1), Dougarri, Neutoni
Champagne moment – when the oppo actually managed to get out of their own half after the break.
Man of the match – Neutoni – for tireless running on and off the ball and a bag full of goals.
Comments
Posted Mar 12th 2007, 9:13am by Russ Fraser
Billy Wingrove & Ronaldinho
Billy, Ronaldo, Zlatan and Ronaldinho
Comments
billy ia ve seen ur skills u are the greatest player on earth and do u have a beob because i ve made a fan grup of ur and would like u to join it plz and u got msn i relly wanted to chat u sick reply
Posted by kayur patel, Sep 15th 2007, 10:09pm
Comments